1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
00:00:21,757 --> 00:00:26,757
Subtitles by explosiveskull

3
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(HEAVY BREATHING)

4
00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:35,265
(SOFT DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL)

5
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BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>When my dad
saw my mom for the first time,</i>

6
00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,236
<i>there was no witty bio
accompanying a flattering</i>

7
00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:42,138
<i>yet candid photo of her.</i>

8
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:45,308
<i>She was just sitting on
the bleachers on campus.</i>

9
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,376
<i>And he knew right
there and then</i>

10
00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:49,048
<i>that he was going
to marry her.</i>

11
00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:53,282
(UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC)

12
00:00:53,284 --> 00:00:56,320
BLAKE: <i>Because of that story
combined with an unhealthy binge</i>

13
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:59,123
<i>of Nora Ephron movies when
I had mono in high school,</i>

14
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,891
<i>I always wondered what
my love story would be.</i>

15
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:03,726
<i>Playing foosball
in a shitty diner</i>

16
00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,496
<i>with a college
bro from Tinder</i>

17
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,001
<i>wasn't exactly
what I had in mind.</i>

18
00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:12,169
Do you have any siblings?

19
00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:15,272
BLAKE: <i>I bet you if
Harry met Sally in 2018</i>

20
00:01:15,274 --> 00:01:16,341
That was fun.

21
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146
BLAKE: <i>They'd just end
up as fuck buddies.</i>

22
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,513
COLLEGE BRO:
<i>You wanna come over?</i>

23
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,981
BLAKE:
<i>I can't.</i>

24
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,348
COLLEGE BRO: <i>I'm not
gonna think you're a slut</i>

25
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,350
<i>or whatever.</i>

26
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,284
I wasn't concerned
about that,

27
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,484
but thank you.

28
00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:29,853
Well then, what is it?

29
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:33,157
BLAKE: <i>I just don't wanna
have sex with you right now.</i>

30
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,190
COLLEGE BRO:
<i>Okay, but like,</i>

31
00:01:34,192 --> 00:01:35,995
not right now or,
like, generally?

32
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:38,829
Do I wanna have sex
with you generally?

33
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,329
COLLEGE BRO:
<i>Yeah.</i>

34
00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:41,532
BLAKE:
<i>Poor college guys.</i>

35
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,166
<i>God bless them.</i>

36
00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:45,201
<i>But they're so busy
trying to catch up on what</i>

37
00:01:45,203 --> 00:01:46,803
<i>misconduct is,</i>

38
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:49,109
<i>they don't even know
how to go on a date.</i>

39
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,281
<i>It's time to say goodbye
to grand gestures.</i>

40
00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:00,383
<i>The grandest it gets these
days is swiping right</i>

41
00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:01,353
<i>instead of left.</i>

42
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,353
<i>As your local
hopeless romantic,</i>

43
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:05,788
<i>I am sad to report</i>

44
00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,560
<i>that romance is dead.</i>

45
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:15,364
MATT:
<i>Romance is dead.</i>

46
00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:16,635
BLAKE:
<i>Yup.</i>

47
00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:18,467
(SIGHS)

48
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:21,405
Okay, um, I'm gonna
kill your column.

49
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,471
What? Why?

50
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:24,274
Because your love
life is boring!

51
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,441
BLAKE:
<i>That's not my fault!</i>

52
00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:27,077
I am trying really
hard out there.

53
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,379
WINNIE: <i>Hey, I personally really
like the existential crisis</i>

54
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,048
with the philosophy major.

55
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:32,448
BLAKE:
<i>Thanks, Winnie.</i>

56
00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:33,684
It's a good column!

57
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:34,917
It's just niche.

58
00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:35,918
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

59
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,422
Plus, it gives the
paper a female edge.

60
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,923
MATT:
<i>Hm. Female, maybe.</i>

61
00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,059
Edge, absolutely not.

62
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:44,094
Your column is about as
far away from the edge

63
00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,363
as a kid scared of heights.

64
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,431
Good simile, Jacob.

65
00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:49,433
MATT:
<i>Alright, guys, stop fighting.</i>

66
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,435
<i>I'm putting you
on reviews.</i>

67
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,903
<i>That's what
you're doing now.</i>

68
00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,272
The Jessers and Naples are
playing, uh, at the Cavern,

69
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,274
so go and tell me how it is.

70
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,411
So that's it?

71
00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:00,010
I'm sorry!

72
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:01,544
I'm sorry that the student
body has lost interest

73
00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:02,812
in your love life.

74
00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,447
It kinda feels like maybe
you've lost interest

75
00:03:04,449 --> 00:03:06,449
in your own love life,
to be perfectly frank.

76
00:03:06,451 --> 00:03:07,750
I can make it better.

77
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,722
I am gonna do something
really awesome.

78
00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:12,655
Yeah, you are.

79
00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:13,656
In reviews.

80
00:03:13,658 --> 00:03:14,924
<i>Maybe you're a critic!</i>

81
00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,326
<i>Maybe that's your thing.
Sit down, please.</i>

82
00:03:16,328 --> 00:03:17,327
- Winnie?
- WINNIE: <i>Mhm?</i>

83
00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,461
Got something for you, LSD.

84
00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:20,930
<i>The mice in our labs
are being tested on</i>

85
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,566
<i>by the med students.</i>

86
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:24,434
<i>Animal rights people are gonna
be fucking nuts about this.</i>

87
00:03:24,436 --> 00:03:26,335
<i>So maybe we write
something about that.</i>

88
00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,471
(SIGHS) Such a waste of LSD.

89
00:03:28,473 --> 00:03:29,572
<i>To me.</i>

90
00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:30,473
MATT: <i>That-that
could be something!</i>

91
00:03:30,475 --> 00:03:31,508
<i>That could be something.</i>

92
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:32,508
<i>Hey, it's not
This American Life,</i>

93
00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:33,744
<i>but it's something.</i>

94
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,679
<i>LSD, that's our target.</i>

95
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,748
<i>Monday, see you
guys all then.</i>

96
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,485
<i>I am going to the bar.</i>

97
00:03:40,985 --> 00:03:41,984
BLAKE:
<i>Without my column,</i>

98
00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:44,287
<i>I'm just another
Humanities major!</i>

99
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,092
<i>I am facing years of rejection
from unpaid internships.</i>

100
00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,493
NIKKI:
<i>Come to Thailand with me!</i>

101
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,661
We need to find ourselves.

102
00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:54,298
I am not going to find
myself on a mushroom trip

103
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,865
at a full moon party.

104
00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,934
That's literally
where you find yourself.

105
00:03:57,936 --> 00:03:59,335
Well, is there
a student loan

106
00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:01,338
<i>that can pay for my
flight to this party</i>

107
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,343
<i>where I miraculously
find myself?</i>

108
00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,776
NIKKI: <i>If they said
your column was boring</i>

109
00:04:06,778 --> 00:04:08,781
<i>just make your
column less boring.</i>

110
00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:11,815
It's not that boring.

111
00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:13,118
It's not.

112
00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:16,990
You write a sex
column with no sex.

113
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,959
I do stuff.

114
00:04:23,028 --> 00:04:25,961
You've given,
like, one hand-job

115
00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:27,733
in the last year to...

116
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,966
Who was it, again?

117
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,737
The Spanish exchange student.

118
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:33,836
God, he was really hot.

119
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,538
No, he wasn't.

120
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,707
He was really intense.

121
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,341
He was gross.

122
00:04:38,343 --> 00:04:39,709
<i>I feel like there
was a lot of potential</i>

123
00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:41,510
with the philosophy major.

124
00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:42,512
No.

125
00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:44,413
He has tiny fingers.

126
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:45,848
He'd hold a beer like this,

127
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,351
like a baby holding a bottle.

128
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,353
That's gross.

129
00:04:49,654 --> 00:04:50,922
CASHIER:
<i>I.D.?</i>

130
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,397
I need to see your I.D.

131
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:01,401
Okay.

132
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,735
NIKKI: <i>A knight in shining
armour isn't gonna come</i>

133
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,536
<i>galloping into the frat party
and ask you to the ball.</i>

134
00:05:07,538 --> 00:05:08,774
He might.

135
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,608
Can I just pay for this now?

136
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,608
Chill.

137
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:13,610
Excuse me?

138
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:15,178
We were here first.

139
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,579
What are you twelve?

140
00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:17,546
NIKKI:
<i>What are you?</i>

141
00:05:17,548 --> 00:05:18,548
Forty?

142
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,548
I.D.?
What?

143
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:20,550
Thirty?

144
00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:22,385
Oh, I found it!

145
00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,786
I like your coat.

146
00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:25,057
Thanks.

147
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,060
BLAKE:
<i>Okay, let's go.</i>

148
00:05:29,093 --> 00:05:30,793
Can I get some rolling
papers, too, please?

149
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:32,064
6X?

150
00:05:33,632 --> 00:05:38,635
(LIVELY NEW WAVE MUSIC)

151
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:42,442
♪

152
00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:25,882
NIKKI: <i>So what's the
deal with this band?</i>

153
00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:28,351
<i>I heard the lead
guitarist is pretty!</i>

154
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,687
Him and his man-bun were in
my Intro to Psych class.

155
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,289
I swear, if I'd had
a pair of scissors,

156
00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,125
I would've cut the thing off.

157
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,692
- BOUNCER: <i>Hi.</i>
- NIKKI: <i>How are you?</i>

158
00:06:36,694 --> 00:06:37,694
I.D's.

159
00:06:37,696 --> 00:06:39,198
Of course, obviously.

160
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,701
- It's candy.
- BOUNCER: <i>Uh oh. Yeah</i>

161
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:44,868
Should've saved
ya a little lick.

162
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:45,868
BOUNCER:
<i>Bring enough to share around?</i>

163
00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:46,870
I'm kidding.

164
00:06:46,872 --> 00:06:49,206
<i>Depends on how
the night goes.</i>

165
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,210
I'm just kidding,
we're not doing that.

166
00:06:55,012 --> 00:06:56,378
Yeah, that isn't you.

167
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:57,880
(GIGGLES) What're
you talking about?

168
00:06:57,882 --> 00:06:58,882
Of course it's me!

169
00:06:58,884 --> 00:06:59,983
BOUNCER:
<i>Yeah? What's your name?</i>

170
00:06:59,985 --> 00:07:01,521
Blake Conway
Wrong.

171
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,521
BLAKE:
<i>Uh, that's weird.</i>

172
00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:05,525
NIKKI:
<i>That is weird.</i>

173
00:07:12,396 --> 00:07:13,730
Oh yeah, that's fine!
You're okay?

174
00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:14,697
Yeah, that's fine.
You go in.

175
00:07:14,699 --> 00:07:15,699
NIKKI:
<i>You're sure?</i>

176
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:16,899
BLAKE:
<i>I would be thrilled.</i>

177
00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,034
I'll figure out
where my I.D. went.

178
00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,202
Good luck.

179
00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:22,942
BLAKE: <i>Yeah, I'llI'll
find you somehow.</i>

180
00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:25,742
Sorry!

181
00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:27,547
BLAKE:
<i>Can you write my review?</i>

182
00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:34,719
(DISTANT POLICE SIRENS)

183
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,928
(BARKING)

184
00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:51,771
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

185
00:07:56,774 --> 00:07:58,043
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

186
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,743
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
<i>Hello?</i>

187
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:02,548
Hi, um, Morgan?

188
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:04,613
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
<i>Yeah?</i>

189
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:06,615
Um, I have your
driver's licence.

190
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,485
I think that you have mine.

191
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,652
(INTERCOM) MORGAN:
<i>What?</i>

192
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:11,587
I have your driver's licence.

193
00:08:11,589 --> 00:08:13,391
(DOOR BUZZES OPEN)

194
00:08:24,802 --> 00:08:25,801
MORGAN:
<i>Hi.</i>

195
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:27,739
Hey, uh, this is yours.

196
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:29,809
Oh!

197
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,142
Weird.

198
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,076
I think they switched
them at the liquor store.

199
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,614
Oh, that's funny.

200
00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,316
Come in.

201
00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:41,420
<i>This is Bobby.</i>

202
00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,820
He's not a very good dancer.

203
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:46,022
That's not true.

204
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:47,190
Hi.

205
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:48,824
BOBBY:
<i>Hi, how's your night?</i>

206
00:08:48,826 --> 00:08:50,026
Uh, good, thank you.

207
00:08:50,028 --> 00:08:51,493
BOBBY:
<i>Good.</i>

208
00:08:51,495 --> 00:08:52,764
<i>Good.</i>

209
00:08:57,201 --> 00:08:58,200
Here you go.

210
00:08:58,202 --> 00:08:59,471
Thank you.

211
00:09:00,004 --> 00:09:01,871
You should stay.

212
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:03,205
<i>For a drink.</i>

213
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,842
The universe brought
us all together.

214
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,647
Gotta embrace that, right?

215
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:10,647
Okay, sure.

216
00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:11,650
I'll have a drink.

217
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:13,819
- Cheers.
- BLAKE: <i>Cheers.</i>

218
00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:20,022
Do you have to pee?

219
00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:21,293
I have to pee.

220
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,163
I could pee.

221
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:28,067
Yeah, let's pee.

222
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,137
BLAKE:
<i>Team sport?</i>

223
00:09:33,705 --> 00:09:34,706
(SIGHS)

224
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,748
You're really pretty.

225
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,849
Do you know that?

226
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:48,853
<i>I feel like you
don't know that.</i>

227
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:50,889
Thanks.

228
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,493
It's important for a girl
to know how pretty she is.

229
00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:56,693
Why?

230
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,497
MORGAN: <i>Because that's
how you find them.</i>

231
00:09:59,063 --> 00:10:00,332
Find what?

232
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,367
(TOILET FLUSHING)

233
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:07,706
Your powers.

234
00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,513
He'll pay you to stay.

235
00:10:15,746 --> 00:10:17,280
Oh, I'm

236
00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:18,748
MORGAN: <i>Oh, or you don't have
to take money, or anything.</i>

237
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,783
I know some girls
are weird with that.

238
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:22,986
BLAKE:
<i>No, um, I'm sorry.</i>

239
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:23,987
<i>I'm not</i>

240
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:24,990
Not what?

241
00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:27,759
A prostitute.

242
00:10:29,794 --> 00:10:34,397
(CHUCKLES) I'm not
a prostitute, babe.

243
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,402
I'm just trying to
cut you into a deal.

244
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:38,971
<i>It'll be fun.</i>

245
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:41,740
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.

246
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:44,940
I don't think I can.

247
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,745
I have early class
in the morning.

248
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:49,981
I get it!

249
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,784
It's not for everyone.

250
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,489
<i>Come on.</i>

251
00:10:59,957 --> 00:11:01,192
Miss me?

252
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,792
I always miss you, babe.

253
00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:04,796
Okay, thanks!

254
00:11:06,998 --> 00:11:07,997
MORGAN:
<i>Yeah, bye!</i>

255
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,999
Bye.

256
00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:12,801
BOBBY:
<i>How'd you get so warm?</i>

257
00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:13,805
(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

258
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:38,228
(SOFT NEW WAVE MUSIC)

259
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,829
NIKKI:
<i>You should've stayed.</i>

260
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:41,030
BLAKE: <i>Yeah, I totally
should've stayed</i>

261
00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:42,802
<i>and had sex with two
strangers for some cash.</i>

262
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,033
CONRAD:
<i>Was she a sugar baby?</i>

263
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:47,536
They're fucking
everywhere these days.

264
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,537
Really?

265
00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:50,039
CONRAD:
<i>Mm.</i>

266
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,041
School's so fucking
expensive, that's why.

267
00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:52,908
NIKKI:
<i>Makes sense.</i>

268
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,844
That's really sad.

269
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:55,847
(TIMER DINGS)

270
00:11:56,847 --> 00:11:57,980
Anyone want coffee?

271
00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:58,982
BLAKE:
<i>I wanna dance.</i>

272
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,349
CONRAD:
<i>Hey, you got scissors?</i>

273
00:12:00,351 --> 00:12:01,886
NIKKI:
<i>Yeah, somewhere.</i>

274
00:12:02,553 --> 00:12:04,052
Young girls are
prostituting themselves

275
00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:05,088
to pay for school.

276
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,689
You're so dramatic.

277
00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:08,060
It is dramatic!

278
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:12,328
I think hookers
are kinda badass.

279
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,333
Yeah, hookers are
super badass, Nikki.

280
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:16,166
They're in charge
of their own bodies!

281
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,368
Their pimps are in
charge of their bodies.

282
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,868
Oh, yeah.

283
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,070
I totally forgot
about the pimps.

284
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,071
Well, if there
were no pimps,

285
00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,541
then hookers
would be badass.

286
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:25,908
Sugar babies don't have pimps.

287
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,946
Well, then sugar
babies are badass.

288
00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,350
Something interesting
happened to me!

289
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,348
Oh, really? Good.

290
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:34,883
I want my column back.

291
00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:36,084
Oh, you want your
column back?

292
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:38,387
Uh, did you even
go to the concert?

293
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:39,388
Your review?

294
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:40,890
You didn't even
mention the music.

295
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:43,696
You just described people
in line for two paragraphs.

296
00:12:44,361 --> 00:12:45,361
I was totally there.

297
00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:46,362
Oh, yeah.

298
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,131
Well, look, it looks
like you got their facts

299
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,531
off of Instagram.

300
00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:52,901
The last two lines were
just hashtags and gibberish.

301
00:12:52,903 --> 00:12:54,903
You are so out of touch.

302
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,908
All we really care
about are hashtags.

303
00:12:58,109 --> 00:12:59,142
Oh, I'm out of touch?

304
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,142
Am I like a fossil?

305
00:13:00,144 --> 00:13:01,143
I'm 23 years old!

306
00:13:01,145 --> 00:13:02,411
By the way, 23

307
00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:04,414
is perfectly fine age
to still be in college.

308
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,915
Winnie!

309
00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:06,916
There you go!
Oh my god!

310
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,117
- <i>Is this for me?</i>
- Yeah!

311
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:09,118
Look at that!

312
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,118
She's so good.

313
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,119
You made him that?

314
00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:13,122
Yeah!

315
00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:14,123
BLAKE:
<i>We are not your interns!</i>

316
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,123
MATT:
<i>Aren't you?</i>

317
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,124
WINNIE:
<i>I am not an intern!</i>

318
00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:17,128
<i>I'm a foam artist.</i>

319
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,762
Hey, man, I just
wanted to say to you,

320
00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:23,166
I really, really loved what you
did with the Plan B article.

321
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,499
Oh, yeah!
It's so refreshing

322
00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:25,234
<i>to have a male perspective
on birth control.</i>

323
00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:26,236
JACOB:
<i>Oh, thank you!</i>

324
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,570
<i>Thank you, man,
I appreciate that!</i>

325
00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,137
I'm totally down to
write your reference letter

326
00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:30,138
for the Thompson Award.
Oh, really?

327
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,943
- JACOB: <i>Thank you!</i>
- MATT: <i>No problem.</i>

328
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:35,143
Wait, you're applying
to that award?

329
00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:36,147
Yeah.

330
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:38,414
You don't write gonzo.

331
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,416
You write pretentious
political satire.

332
00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,119
(ROBOTIC) Actually,
I write both.

333
00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,121
Stephen Hawking.

334
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:46,122
- MATT: <i>Good!</i>
- JACOB: <i>Thank you.</i>

335
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,757
Since when?

336
00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,961
JACOB: <i>Since I don't only
write for the school paper, so.</i>

337
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,161
You can't write him
a reference letter.

338
00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,162
<i>You're not a faculty member.</i>

339
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:55,433
JACOB:
<i>He's TA, it counts.</i>

340
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,166
Well, can you write
me a reference letter?

341
00:13:58,168 --> 00:13:59,437
(MATT STAMMERS)

342
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,607
This looks like a
conflict of interest.

343
00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:06,110
<i>Hard pass, thanks.</i>

344
00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:09,177
The Thompson Award is
for gonzo journalism?

345
00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:10,512
BLAKE:
<i>Yeah, and?</i>

346
00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:12,248
JACOB:
<i>And you don't write gonzo,</i>

347
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,383
so you just want it
for the prize money?

348
00:14:14,385 --> 00:14:16,486
BLAKE: <i>Oh, right, and you don't
want the prize money at all?</i>

349
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:17,487
JACOB:
<i>No, I do.</i>

350
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:18,488
It's fifty thousand dollars.

351
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,256
That's the only reason
why I'm applying.

352
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,259
MATT:
<i>Story ideas!</i>

353
00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,228
<i>His, thank you!</i>

354
00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:26,061
If the writer is
a part of the story,

355
00:14:26,063 --> 00:14:27,430
then it is gonzo.

356
00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:29,098
The writer can't be
a part of the story.

357
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,903
The writer has to
become the story!

358
00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,268
WINNIE: <i>Well, it's like
those vice journalists</i>

359
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,903
<i>who did ayahuasca in Peru.</i>

360
00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:35,939
- MATT: <i>Oh!</i>
- JACOB: <i>Yeah!</i>

361
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:36,940
MATT:
<i>I loved that writing!</i>

362
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,273
That was so sick!

363
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:40,910
My stories are about me!

364
00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:42,844
So you're the type of writer
that writes about people

365
00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,680
describing doing ayahuasca?

366
00:14:44,682 --> 00:14:46,081
<i>Like, you wouldn't
actually do it yourself?</i>

367
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,886
I would totally do ayahuasca.

368
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,753
If there wasn't
so much puking.

369
00:14:51,755 --> 00:14:54,290
See, you're an omniscient
narrator in denial.

370
00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:55,525
BLAKE: <i>That doesn't
even mean anything.</i>

371
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,859
You just like the
way that that sounds.

372
00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:59,295
I have a story,

373
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,531
<i>and-and it is a sexy story,</i>

374
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,733
so all of those
horny college kids

375
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:04,733
are really gonna like it.

376
00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:06,069
And when you read it,

377
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,204
you're gonna wanna
give me my column back.

378
00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:10,209
So, get ready because...

379
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:15,046
Of all of the things
that I just said!

380
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,147
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

381
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,283
Oh, well that's over.

382
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,285
What is love?

383
00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:23,788
What is it good for?

384
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:30,993
(UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC)

385
00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:35,333
♪

386
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,341
(DOORBELL BUZZES)

387
00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,108
BLAKE: <i>I can change
your name for the piece,</i>

388
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,310
if you want me to.

389
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:49,315
Why would I want you
to change my name?

390
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:53,252
Well, my column is
anonymous anyway, so.

391
00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:55,318
Why?

392
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,122
BLAKE:
<i>It gives me more freedom.</i>

393
00:15:58,822 --> 00:16:00,422
Doesn't sound
like freedom.

394
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:04,262
It just makes it easier
to write sometimes.

395
00:16:07,831 --> 00:16:09,134
Okay.

396
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:14,337
I have made sixty-seven
thousand dollars in gifts.

397
00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:16,339
<i>I've gotten a Gucci bag,</i>

398
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:18,174
a Balenciaga bag,

399
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:19,541
a Louis Vuitton bag.

400
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,547
I've gone to Paris
twice this year.

401
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,147
Whoa.

402
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,982
MORGAN:
<i>Am I a prostitute?</i>

403
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,219
No.

404
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,388
Am I a gold digger?

405
00:16:30,154 --> 00:16:31,521
Maybe.

406
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,456
<i>Am I having a better
time than all these girls</i>

407
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,658
<i>stuck in mountains of debt?</i>

408
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,460
Who get nothing more
than a pregnancy scare

409
00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:39,462
from their one night stands?

410
00:16:39,464 --> 00:16:41,000
Most definitely.

411
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,366
Oh, here.

412
00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:44,636
- Oh, thank you.
- <i>Yeah.</i>

413
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,645
Do you ever feel
taken advantage of?

414
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,185
MORGAN:
<i>Not really, it's business.</i>

415
00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:02,887
Business can be messy.

416
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,057
MORGAN:
<i>Yeah, but</i>

417
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:06,658
<i>I'm really good at it.</i>

418
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,225
How?

419
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,030
MORGAN:
<i>I know what they want.</i>

420
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,898
BLAKE:
<i>And what is that?</i>

421
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:15,363
Their ego stroked.

422
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:20,369
(SOFT PIANO INSTRUMENTAL)

423
00:17:20,371 --> 00:17:23,206
♪

424
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,841
MORGAN:
<i>You just have to figure out</i>

425
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,676
<i>how they work.</i>

426
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:30,412
And once you do, you can
get whatever you want.

427
00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:31,916
And what do you want?

428
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,288
Everything, I guess.

429
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:39,889
<i>You know, I'm actually
going to meet Bobby</i>

430
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:42,225
at his friend's lake house.

431
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,459
You wanna come?

432
00:17:43,461 --> 00:17:45,230
Sounds like the beginning
of a horror movie.

433
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:54,437
("FLOAT" BY JUDE SHUMA)

434
00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:56,072
♪

435
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:57,940
<i>♪ There's something
in the way</i>

436
00:17:57,942 --> 00:17:59,941
<i>♪ Can we float on by?</i>

437
00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,878
<i>♪ Can we float on by?</i>

438
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,645
<i>♪ I don't want you to try</i>

439
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,748
<i>♪ There's something
in my blood</i>

440
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,850
<i>♪ Want to call it love</i>

441
00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,485
<i>♪ Want to call it love</i>

442
00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:13,492
<i>♪ Gonna get me high ♪</i>

443
00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:17,795
So how do you know Bobby?

444
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:20,997
Oh, he was one of
my MBA students.

445
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,698
BLAKE:
<i>You're a professor?</i>

446
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,503
IAN:
<i>Yeah, is that surprising?</i>

447
00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:26,568
No.

448
00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:28,304
<i>I guess I've just
never seen a prof</i>

449
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:29,771
<i>in a bathing suit before.</i>

450
00:18:29,773 --> 00:18:30,773
IAN:
<i>Here you go.</i>

451
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:32,007
Thanks.

452
00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:33,311
IAN:
<i>What's your major?</i>

453
00:18:34,511 --> 00:18:35,780
BLAKE:
<i>Useless.</i>

454
00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:41,620
So are you gonna get in?

455
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:44,123
Uh, I didn't bring
a bathing suit.

456
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,390
Well, I don't
wanna leave you

457
00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,324
on dry land all
by yourself.

458
00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:50,328
Why?

459
00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:53,528
I can rate your
handstands out of ten.

460
00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:55,163
Yeah.

461
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:56,565
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>I think you
can tell a lot about a person</i>

462
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:59,371
<i>by the way they
get into a pool.</i>

463
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:01,804
<i>He didn't dive,</i>

464
00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:03,538
<i>so not a show off.</i>

465
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,309
<i>I guess the view and the
house did that for him.</i>

466
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,044
IAN:
<i>You should come in!</i>

467
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,046
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>I'm not usually
one to be tempted by houses,</i>

468
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,546
<i>or views, or pools.</i>

469
00:19:11,548 --> 00:19:14,217
<i>He was hot and I was stoned.</i>

470
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,552
Uh, I don't know.

471
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,553
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>And there
was something about him</i>

472
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,187
<i>that I couldn't
put my finger on.</i>

473
00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,555
<i>So, what the hell?</i>

474
00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:21,826
<i>I went in.</i>

475
00:19:35,573 --> 00:19:37,573
IAN:
<i>So what's your story?</i>

476
00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:38,576
(GIGGLES)

477
00:19:46,584 --> 00:19:47,586
(DOOR CLOSING)

478
00:19:50,387 --> 00:19:51,389
(CLEARING THROAT)

479
00:19:52,589 --> 00:19:55,091
Uh, I'd like to
see you again.

480
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,394
Oh.

481
00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:59,530
If that's something
that you wanted.

482
00:20:00,298 --> 00:20:01,599
Here's my card.

483
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,565
I didn't know people actually

484
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:04,967
carried around business cards.

485
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,103
IAN: <i>I mean,
I didn't have it on me</i>

486
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,638
in the pool or anything.

487
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,640
I have a stack and I just

488
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,607
I like this font.

489
00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:14,543
Yeah it's DIN Condensed.

490
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:15,644
BLAKE:
<i>Nice.</i>

491
00:20:15,646 --> 00:20:16,711
Yeah.

492
00:20:16,713 --> 00:20:18,447
Thanks.

493
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:19,448
This is pretty

494
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,449
(TAPPING)

495
00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:21,987
Pretty sweet too.

496
00:20:23,654 --> 00:20:24,655
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

497
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,458
MORGAN:
<i>He's into arrangements.</i>

498
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,996
<i>I could say something.</i>

499
00:20:32,596 --> 00:20:33,828
Please don't.

500
00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,634
He's written like five books.

501
00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:37,435
Really?

502
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,471
What about?

503
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,307
I don't know.
I haven't read them.

504
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:48,443
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC)

505
00:20:48,445 --> 00:20:52,280
♪

506
00:20:52,282 --> 00:20:53,582
MATT:
<i>Yeah.</i>

507
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:54,917
Yeah Blake, I like it.

508
00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:56,651
I like it.
It's very Zeitgeisty.

509
00:20:56,653 --> 00:20:58,286
So can I have
my column back?

510
00:20:58,288 --> 00:21:01,093
So, uh, you gonna
date this guy?

511
00:21:02,292 --> 00:21:03,292
No.

512
00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:04,660
MATT:
<i>So-so, I'm sorry,</i>

513
00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,161
<i>where is this story going?</i>

514
00:21:06,163 --> 00:21:07,496
BLAKE: <i>I don't know how
my life is going to evolve</i>

515
00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,631
<i>between now and
my next entry.</i>

516
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,664
That's not how
a column works.

517
00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:11,633
MATT:
<i>Well how journalism works is</i>

518
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:13,302
you-you follow the story,

519
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:14,503
not your feelings.

520
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:16,037
I followed her to a
stranger's lake house.

521
00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:17,038
I could have been murdered.

522
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,507
MATT:
<i>I'm sorry.</i>

523
00:21:18,509 --> 00:21:20,508
'Cause it sort of read like
you went to a pool party.

524
00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:21,876
Where I was solicited!

525
00:21:21,878 --> 00:21:23,679
You got hit on.
(CHUCKLES)

526
00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:26,282
<i>Uh, being solicited
is not the story.</i>

527
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:27,519
'Kay? It's just
the first part.

528
00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:30,186
What happens afterwards,
that's the story.

529
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:31,990
Are you trying
to pimp me out?

530
00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:35,123
Um, am I? No.

531
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:37,392
<i>No, III wanted to
kill your column.</i>

532
00:21:37,394 --> 00:21:39,061
You're the-you're the one who
wanted to make it interesting.

533
00:21:39,063 --> 00:21:41,130
It's going to be
more interesting.

534
00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:43,899
Whether or not you force
me to date the guy.

535
00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:45,401
Oh, ho ho, no, I forced

536
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,702
I'm not forcing you
to date anyone, okay?

537
00:21:47,704 --> 00:21:49,572
But you are saying you'll
give me back my column

538
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:50,573
if I date him.

539
00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:51,841
No! No, no, no.

540
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:53,542
You can not, no, have
the column back, please.

541
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:54,910
This is not a, not a

542
00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:55,911
This is not a thing,

543
00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,278
<i>you can just take it.</i>

544
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,849
<i>I am too close to
graduating for this shit.</i>

545
00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:02,054
<i>I'm not going out like that.</i>

546
00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,790
The hopeless
romantic is back baby!

547
00:22:08,792 --> 00:22:11,227
More hopeful, less romantic.

548
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:12,561
That's awesome, dude.

549
00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:13,629
Yeah, thanks.

550
00:22:13,631 --> 00:22:15,434
I feel like I've grown
from this already.

551
00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:17,767
Your professor sounds hot.

552
00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:21,136
Hmm, he's not hot hot,

553
00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,805
but he is kinda charming.

554
00:22:22,807 --> 00:22:24,076
NIKKI:
<i>So, he's fat?</i>

555
00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:26,211
BLAKE:
<i>He's not fat.</i>

556
00:22:27,444 --> 00:22:28,978
He's basically famous.

557
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,148
He's written a
bunch of books

558
00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:35,584
<i>for like technology
and business.</i>

559
00:22:35,586 --> 00:22:36,786
So he's boring?

560
00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:37,788
BLAKE:
<i>He's rich.</i>

561
00:22:38,256 --> 00:22:39,889
He invested in
Facebook and Uber

562
00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:41,891
<i>when they were
just starting.</i>

563
00:22:41,893 --> 00:22:43,793
NIKKI: <i>So why aren't you
going to call him again?</i>

564
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:45,827
BLAKE: <i>So why aren't you
more focused on your costume?</i>

565
00:22:45,829 --> 00:22:47,832
<i>The options here are
pretty limitless.</i>

566
00:22:49,066 --> 00:22:50,302
Tadah!

567
00:22:50,768 --> 00:22:51,767
What is that?

568
00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:54,236
It's Sassy Red Riding Hood!

569
00:22:54,238 --> 00:22:55,671
You look like a used tampon.

570
00:22:55,673 --> 00:22:56,671
What?

571
00:22:56,673 --> 00:22:58,477
Your legs are the string.

572
00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,776
I'm not lowering
myself to your level.

573
00:23:00,778 --> 00:23:02,780
You're lowering it
to my crotch level.

574
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:08,083
Sexy gothic Red Riding Hood?

575
00:23:08,085 --> 00:23:09,818
What's wrong with
the shoulders?

576
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:11,589
<i>You look like you're
storing snacks in there.</i>

577
00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:15,794
Red Riding From The Hood.

578
00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:18,864
No.

579
00:23:19,663 --> 00:23:21,029
Well what are you
supposed to be?

580
00:23:21,031 --> 00:23:23,466
A manic pixie dream girl?

581
00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:24,467
Yeah.

582
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,468
Sure.

583
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:26,701
BLAKE:
<i>I still don't understand</i>

584
00:23:26,703 --> 00:23:28,136
why there's a Halloween
party in April.

585
00:23:28,138 --> 00:23:29,440
Oh!

586
00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:32,540
Why didn't they just
call it a costume party?

587
00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:34,346
'Cause then it's
not Halloween.

588
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,682
I'm gonna get
these glasses.

589
00:23:38,715 --> 00:23:40,017
NIKKI:
<i>Eh.</i>

590
00:23:40,651 --> 00:23:45,653
(SLOW RAP MUSIC)

591
00:23:45,655 --> 00:23:51,059
♪

592
00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:52,329
EMILY:
<i>Hey Blake!</i>

593
00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:53,731
Hey Emily!

594
00:23:54,298 --> 00:23:56,030
Cool costume.

595
00:23:56,032 --> 00:23:57,799
Are you a ballerina?

596
00:23:57,801 --> 00:23:58,836
A loofah.

597
00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:01,673
<i>You look like my
dad on vacation.</i>

598
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,375
I'm Raoul Duke.

599
00:24:04,741 --> 00:24:06,475
From Fear and Loathing.

600
00:24:06,477 --> 00:24:07,476
Oh!

601
00:24:07,478 --> 00:24:08,712
Oh, yeah, um

602
00:24:09,713 --> 00:24:11,680
<i>I loved your last column.</i>

603
00:24:11,682 --> 00:24:13,582
I don't write a column.

604
00:24:13,584 --> 00:24:14,850
So, whatever.

605
00:24:14,852 --> 00:24:16,086
Okay.

606
00:24:17,521 --> 00:24:19,523
<i>Dr. Phil did an episode
on sugar babies.</i>

607
00:24:20,924 --> 00:24:23,392
Was it a hard hitting expose?

608
00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:24,893
EMILY:
<i>Oh yeah. I love Dr. Phil.</i>

609
00:24:24,895 --> 00:24:27,699
I feel like I have so
many things to tell him.

610
00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:31,199
<i>Yeah.</i>

611
00:24:31,201 --> 00:24:35,207
<i>♪ Put your heart in
the hands of the city</i>

612
00:24:38,174 --> 00:24:42,180
<i>♪ Working hard when
you're not around</i>

613
00:24:45,516 --> 00:24:49,521
<i>♪ But oh, you
sure look pretty</i>

614
00:24:52,289 --> 00:24:55,891
<i>♪ When your feet were
moving on the ground ♪</i>

615
00:24:55,893 --> 00:24:57,927
It appears we have yet
another common interest.

616
00:24:57,929 --> 00:24:58,930
Oh god.

617
00:24:59,596 --> 00:25:01,529
Want to take a shot?

618
00:25:01,531 --> 00:25:02,766
Yes.

619
00:25:05,635 --> 00:25:07,638
I didn't touch
my lips to it.

620
00:25:12,309 --> 00:25:14,742
I didn't take you as
a Hunter Thompson fan.

621
00:25:14,744 --> 00:25:17,779
He's the very godfather
of Gonzo journalism.

622
00:25:17,781 --> 00:25:19,213
Did you just say
fairy godfather?

623
00:25:19,215 --> 00:25:21,316
No. I said very godfather!

624
00:25:21,318 --> 00:25:22,317
JACOB:
<i>No, you said fairy.</i>

625
00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:23,821
Very.
Fairy.

626
00:25:25,455 --> 00:25:27,259
<i>Want to take another shot?</i>

627
00:25:27,924 --> 00:25:29,123
Yeah.

628
00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:31,128
Do you want to go
somewhere private?

629
00:25:34,131 --> 00:25:35,634
You're so dumb.

630
00:25:39,804 --> 00:25:41,603
You know you're
way off about me?

631
00:25:41,605 --> 00:25:42,671
Okay.

632
00:25:42,673 --> 00:25:43,972
I like Hunter Thompson.

633
00:25:43,974 --> 00:25:45,173
Mmm.

634
00:25:45,175 --> 00:25:46,174
He's not my favourite
writer though.

635
00:25:46,176 --> 00:25:47,676
Who's your favourite writer?

636
00:25:47,678 --> 00:25:48,747
Don't tell me!

637
00:25:49,980 --> 00:25:51,113
Jane Austen.

638
00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:52,851
Maybe when I was 15.

639
00:25:53,851 --> 00:25:56,051
It's Nora Ephron.

640
00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:57,856
What is that,
Zac Efron's mom?

641
00:25:58,888 --> 00:26:00,891
She's the queen of
the romantic comedy.

642
00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:03,025
"When Harry Met Sally",

643
00:26:03,027 --> 00:26:04,026
"Sleepless in Seattle"

644
00:26:04,028 --> 00:26:05,827
Okay. I liked those.
Those are good.

645
00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:06,828
BLAKE:
<i>I know yours.</i>

646
00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:07,997
I don't have a favourite writer.
Witkowski.

647
00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:09,530
(WHISTLES) How'd you do that?

648
00:26:09,532 --> 00:26:10,966
BLAKE:
<i>You want to take another shot?</i>

649
00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:12,003
Yep.

650
00:26:13,037 --> 00:26:14,003
(DOOR CLOSING)

651
00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:15,004
JACOB:
<i>You okay?</i>

652
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:16,872
BLAKE:
<i>Yeah.</i>

653
00:26:16,874 --> 00:26:17,873
(DOOR JAM BUZZING)

654
00:26:17,875 --> 00:26:19,007
(JACOB MIMICS BUZZING)

655
00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:23,013
(GIGGLING)

656
00:26:25,682 --> 00:26:27,919
(KISSING)

657
00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:35,159
I like your room.
I like it.

658
00:26:36,059 --> 00:26:37,660
That means a lot to me.

659
00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:38,896
Is that weird?

660
00:26:48,071 --> 00:26:49,270
JACOB (WHISPERING):
<i>You okay?</i>

661
00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:51,373
Yeah. I'm okay.
Are you okay?

662
00:26:51,375 --> 00:26:52,373
JACOB:
<i>Yeah, no, I'm good.</i>

663
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:54,179
Okay. You look good.

664
00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:04,254
Do you have a condom?

665
00:27:05,189 --> 00:27:06,458
I think so.

666
00:27:15,598 --> 00:27:16,900
Um

667
00:27:25,142 --> 00:27:27,910
<i>I thought it was
in my pencil case.</i>

668
00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,143
BLAKE:
<i>Why do you have a pencil case?</i>

669
00:27:29,145 --> 00:27:30,714
JACOB:
<i>For pencils.</i>

670
00:27:31,414 --> 00:27:32,951
In case.

671
00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:41,957
Okay.

672
00:27:41,959 --> 00:27:43,961
I don't have a condom.

673
00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:54,805
(SIGHS)

674
00:28:02,011 --> 00:28:03,013
(SIGHS)

675
00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,253
(WHISPERING) I should go.

676
00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:11,620
(WHISPERING) But
this is your room.

677
00:28:11,622 --> 00:28:13,020
Oh.

678
00:28:13,022 --> 00:28:15,524
Well should I go?
Want me to go?

679
00:28:15,526 --> 00:28:16,525
I mean, should I go?

680
00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:18,192
Uh yeah, I think so.

681
00:28:18,194 --> 00:28:19,463
Okay.

682
00:28:21,999 --> 00:28:23,934
(SIGHS)

683
00:28:29,539 --> 00:28:31,542
Are you wearing my pants?

684
00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:38,447
(LAUGHING)

685
00:28:38,449 --> 00:28:39,448
JACOB:
<i>You can't print it.</i>

686
00:28:39,450 --> 00:28:41,115
You can't not print it.
Can't.

687
00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,184
MATT: <i>Okay, usually I'm
totally against, uh,</i>

688
00:28:43,186 --> 00:28:45,888
these sort of
workplace romances,

689
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:47,823
<i>but this is hilarious, Blake.</i>

690
00:28:47,825 --> 00:28:48,990
It's not funny to
me man, alright?

691
00:28:48,992 --> 00:28:50,191
BLAKE:
<i>I changed your name!</i>

692
00:28:50,193 --> 00:28:52,227
<i>Nobody is gonna
know that it's you!</i>

693
00:28:52,229 --> 00:28:53,228
- I don't care.
- WINNIE: <i>I do!</i>

694
00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:54,496
MATT:
<i>You two were the only people</i>

695
00:28:54,498 --> 00:28:56,698
that dressed like Raoul
Duke at the party so.

696
00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:57,699
You were there?

697
00:28:57,701 --> 00:28:59,504
Yeah, I have Snapchat.

698
00:29:00,203 --> 00:29:02,571
You were the one who told
me to become the story.

699
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:03,639
I became the story.

700
00:29:03,641 --> 00:29:04,672
I'm sorry!

701
00:29:04,674 --> 00:29:06,475
I didn't realize you
were so sensitive.

702
00:29:06,477 --> 00:29:09,076
I'm not, sensitive.

703
00:29:09,078 --> 00:29:10,077
<i>I'm private.</i>

704
00:29:10,079 --> 00:29:11,078
<i>I'm not</i>

705
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,046
<i>not like a sensitive dude.</i>

706
00:29:12,048 --> 00:29:13,047
MATT:
<i>Hey man, I'm sorry,</i>

707
00:29:13,049 --> 00:29:14,315
<i>I'm gonna have to post it.</i>

708
00:29:14,317 --> 00:29:15,651
JACOB:
<i>Why?</i>

709
00:29:15,653 --> 00:29:17,318
MATT: <i>Because, uh, for
better or for worse,</i>

710
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,024
<i>the hopeless romantic is
dragging in all the hits.</i>

711
00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:23,491
Really?

712
00:29:23,493 --> 00:29:24,860
MATT: <i>Keep your shirt on.
You're not winning a Pulitzer.</i>

713
00:29:24,862 --> 00:29:26,929
It's-it's not moving papers.

714
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,697
It's just, it's doing
well on the website,

715
00:29:28,699 --> 00:29:32,500
<i>and I have to do what's best
for the paper and or website.</i>

716
00:29:32,502 --> 00:29:35,437
I hope this isn't
awkward between us.

717
00:29:35,439 --> 00:29:38,539
MATT: <i>It most certainly
is going to be.</i>

718
00:29:38,541 --> 00:29:40,542
<i>Do you want my advice?</i>

719
00:29:40,544 --> 00:29:43,077
Don't make out
with journalists.

720
00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:44,848
Or Instagram models.

721
00:29:48,285 --> 00:29:50,151
BLAKE:
<i>He's arrogant.</i>

722
00:29:50,153 --> 00:29:53,287
<i>He can't stand
that I'm thriving.</i>

723
00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:55,489
It's man problem.
That's what they do.

724
00:29:55,491 --> 00:29:56,592
Can't handle the
strong woman.

725
00:29:56,594 --> 00:29:58,727
He's kinda tall,
so I don't get it.

726
00:29:58,729 --> 00:30:00,461
Is he tall?

727
00:30:00,463 --> 00:30:01,496
Yeah.

728
00:30:01,498 --> 00:30:03,231
Usually short guys
are really insecure.

729
00:30:03,233 --> 00:30:04,498
Little man syndrome?
Yeah!

730
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:05,769
Yeah.

731
00:30:06,903 --> 00:30:09,304
BLAKE:
<i>Oh my god, oh my god.</i>

732
00:30:09,306 --> 00:30:10,671
<i>Oh my god,
just keep walking.</i>

733
00:30:10,673 --> 00:30:12,274
Keep walking.

734
00:30:12,276 --> 00:30:13,674
The guy, Ian.

735
00:30:13,676 --> 00:30:15,110
He's over there.
Where? Where?

736
00:30:15,112 --> 00:30:16,745
Oh, no, no, no.
Look to there.

737
00:30:16,747 --> 00:30:17,746
Can you see him?

738
00:30:17,748 --> 00:30:19,284
Do I look cute?

739
00:30:22,586 --> 00:30:24,018
Do I wave, or is that weird?

740
00:30:24,020 --> 00:30:26,023
I don't know.
Oh my god, we waved.

741
00:30:26,423 --> 00:30:28,123
No, don't wave again.

742
00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:29,123
NIKKI:
<i>Flash your tit.</i>

743
00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:31,325
BLAKE:
<i>No. (GIGGLES)</i>

744
00:30:31,327 --> 00:30:36,331
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)

745
00:30:36,333 --> 00:30:41,702
♪

746
00:30:41,704 --> 00:30:43,508
BLAKE:
<i>Screw it.</i>

747
00:30:46,977 --> 00:30:48,142
<i>If I want to win the award,</i>

748
00:30:48,144 --> 00:30:49,311
<i>I have to do ayahuasca.</i>

749
00:30:49,313 --> 00:30:51,546
NIKKI: <i>Wait, when are
you doing ayahuasca?</i>

750
00:30:51,548 --> 00:30:52,546
I'm not, it's a metaphor.

751
00:30:52,548 --> 00:30:53,715
Because if you do
it without me,

752
00:30:53,717 --> 00:30:56,218
I'm gonna be really pissed.

753
00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:57,221
And surprised.

754
00:30:58,321 --> 00:30:59,823
And hurt.

755
00:31:01,392 --> 00:31:03,025
Eventually I'd be
happy for you.

756
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,660
Again, I'm not gonna do
ayahuasca without you.

757
00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:05,963
Just

758
00:31:07,298 --> 00:31:09,197
make sure he doesn't

759
00:31:09,199 --> 00:31:11,065
take advantage of
you or anything.

760
00:31:11,067 --> 00:31:12,334
Yeah, of course.

761
00:31:12,336 --> 00:31:15,871
If anything, I am the one
taking advantage of him.

762
00:31:15,873 --> 00:31:16,872
How?

763
00:31:16,874 --> 00:31:18,373
Because I'm not
really a sugar baby.

764
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,343
You're actually kinda
like pretty woman.

765
00:31:21,345 --> 00:31:22,846
But in reverse.

766
00:31:23,646 --> 00:31:26,815
Just make me look classy.

767
00:31:26,817 --> 00:31:29,017
Like Michelle Obama.

768
00:31:29,019 --> 00:31:34,021
(LOUNGE MUSIC)

769
00:31:34,023 --> 00:31:36,224
♪

770
00:31:36,226 --> 00:31:37,495
IAN:
<i>Hi.</i>

771
00:31:38,228 --> 00:31:40,031
<i>Should we go in?</i>

772
00:31:43,267 --> 00:31:45,834
BLAKE: <i>Why don't you
have a girlfriend?</i>

773
00:31:45,836 --> 00:31:47,235
They're free.

774
00:31:47,237 --> 00:31:49,237
IAN:
<i>Not really. And,</i>

775
00:31:49,239 --> 00:31:50,439
I don't know
what she wants.

776
00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:52,407
She probably doesn't
even know what she wants.

777
00:31:52,409 --> 00:31:53,441
And I don't want
to spend my time

778
00:31:53,443 --> 00:31:55,445
texting or fighting

779
00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:58,615
or compromising.

780
00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:02,019
So.

781
00:32:03,921 --> 00:32:06,287
How do you want
this to work?

782
00:32:06,289 --> 00:32:09,123
IAN: <i>I don't want
to write cheques</i>

783
00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:10,124
or anything like that.

784
00:32:10,126 --> 00:32:12,294
I kinda wanna give gifts.

785
00:32:12,296 --> 00:32:13,594
Gifts.

786
00:32:13,596 --> 00:32:14,865
IAN:
<i>Yeah.</i>

787
00:32:16,299 --> 00:32:17,399
Like purses?

788
00:32:17,401 --> 00:32:18,933
IAN:
<i>Sure.</i>

789
00:32:18,935 --> 00:32:20,938
<i>If that's what
you want. Yeah.</i>

790
00:32:22,638 --> 00:32:24,541
It's not what I want.

791
00:32:26,376 --> 00:32:28,145
IAN:
<i>I didn't think so.</i>

792
00:32:29,613 --> 00:32:32,383
So, what do you want?

793
00:32:36,487 --> 00:32:37,755
Romance.

794
00:32:41,090 --> 00:32:42,657
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>Wealthy older people</i>

795
00:32:42,659 --> 00:32:44,625
<i>supporting struggling
younger ones</i>

796
00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,094
<i>is nothing revolutionary.</i>

797
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,330
<i>Read any Jane Austen novel.</i>

798
00:32:48,332 --> 00:32:50,332
<i>Granted Austen's
heroines always rebelled</i>

799
00:32:50,334 --> 00:32:53,334
<i>against this concept in
search for romantic love,</i>

800
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:57,171
<i>but financially beneficial
relationships were the norm.</i>

801
00:32:57,173 --> 00:32:59,908
<i>A female's attraction to a
male's display of resources</i>

802
00:32:59,910 --> 00:33:02,510
<i>is ingrained in many species,</i>

803
00:33:02,512 --> 00:33:05,316
<i>from humans to apes to cats.</i>

804
00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:07,748
<i>Female leopards can actually
tell whether or not a male</i>

805
00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:10,518
<i>is capable of providing
her with what she needs.</i>

806
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,920
<i>If she determines
that he isn't capable</i>

807
00:33:11,922 --> 00:33:14,355
<i>of taking care of her,</i>

808
00:33:14,357 --> 00:33:16,190
<i>she has the ability to
make herself less fertile.</i>

809
00:33:16,192 --> 00:33:17,959
<i>So the question is,</i>

810
00:33:17,961 --> 00:33:20,996
<i>why does our society
hate gold diggers?</i>

811
00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:23,765
<i>Are we repulsed by our
own natural instincts?</i>

812
00:33:23,767 --> 00:33:26,535
<i>Maybe relationships aren't
supposed to be for love,</i>

813
00:33:26,537 --> 00:33:28,338
<i>but for survival.</i>

814
00:33:39,549 --> 00:33:41,016
IAN: <i>There's a sound
quality to records</i>

815
00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:44,986
that is completely
lost with CDs or MP3s

816
00:33:44,988 --> 00:33:49,059
or whatever the kids are
listening to these days.

817
00:33:50,059 --> 00:33:52,227
<i>Sometimes I just
like the sound</i>

818
00:33:52,229 --> 00:33:54,930
<i>in between the songs,
you know?</i>

819
00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:56,933
BLAKE: <i>I like the way
that the covers look.</i>

820
00:34:01,571 --> 00:34:02,572
Yeah.

821
00:34:05,776 --> 00:34:08,579
BLAKE: <i>Should have known
you'd be a record guy.</i>

822
00:34:09,947 --> 00:34:12,414
Well, I was
born in the 70s,

823
00:34:12,416 --> 00:34:15,617
so I hope it's not
so obnoxious, right?

824
00:34:15,619 --> 00:34:16,621
Right.

825
00:34:21,625 --> 00:34:23,191
What's with the piano?

826
00:34:23,193 --> 00:34:24,429
Do you play?

827
00:34:25,295 --> 00:34:28,099
Uh. It's my ex.

828
00:34:30,534 --> 00:34:32,534
Your ex is a piano?

829
00:34:32,536 --> 00:34:35,539
No. She's a human. Bitch.

830
00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:39,710
She's really good at
playing the piano.

831
00:34:49,119 --> 00:34:51,119
Do you wanna listen
to this one next?

832
00:34:51,121 --> 00:34:52,423
Sure.

833
00:34:53,489 --> 00:34:56,224
I don't think I've ever
listened to this one.

834
00:34:56,226 --> 00:35:01,231
<i>♪ Birds climb slow ♪</i>

835
00:35:01,831 --> 00:35:02,898
<i>♪ Weather's cold ♪</i>

836
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:06,003
<i>♪ And I think of you ♪</i>

837
00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:31,492
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)

838
00:35:31,494 --> 00:35:36,032
♪

839
00:35:40,036 --> 00:35:41,304
(PIANO CHORD)

840
00:35:54,117 --> 00:35:57,688
(DOG PAWS CLICKING ON FLOOR)

841
00:36:09,733 --> 00:36:10,735
(DOOR CLICKING SHUT)

842
00:36:24,914 --> 00:36:26,717
Where is my bike?

843
00:36:32,556 --> 00:36:39,561
(REFLECTIVE INSTRUMENTAL)

844
00:36:39,563 --> 00:36:40,831
(DOOR CLICKING SHUT)

845
00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:51,509
NIKKI:
<i>You had sex!</i>

846
00:36:55,378 --> 00:36:56,614
What?

847
00:36:57,581 --> 00:36:59,581
You had sex.

848
00:36:59,583 --> 00:37:01,749
- What are you talking about?
- <i>Come on!</i>

849
00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:03,554
BLAKE:
<i>How did you know?</i>

850
00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:06,623
I felt the energy change.
(GIGGLES)

851
00:37:08,025 --> 00:37:09,260
<i>So?</i>

852
00:37:10,427 --> 00:37:11,425
How was it?

853
00:37:11,427 --> 00:37:12,963
BLAKE:
<i>It was</i>

854
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,032
Nice.

855
00:37:15,766 --> 00:37:17,465
It was nice?

856
00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:19,269
Yeah it was nice.

857
00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:22,936
So? What did you get
for the romp sesh?

858
00:37:22,938 --> 00:37:24,472
Earrings?

859
00:37:24,474 --> 00:37:25,472
Purse?

860
00:37:25,474 --> 00:37:26,474
An iPod?

861
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:27,474
<i>A gift card?</i>

862
00:37:27,476 --> 00:37:28,776
Got nothing.
A Starbucks's gift card?

863
00:37:28,778 --> 00:37:30,979
BLAKE:
<i>Oh, I got Gatorade.</i>

864
00:37:30,981 --> 00:37:32,414
That's it?

865
00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:34,652
BLAKE:
<i>Oh and my bike got stolen.</i>

866
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,686
Wait, doesn't
he live in that

867
00:37:38,688 --> 00:37:39,854
nice neighbourhood
by the water?

868
00:37:39,856 --> 00:37:40,854
Yeah.

869
00:37:40,856 --> 00:37:42,626
Crime knows no bounds.

870
00:37:44,293 --> 00:37:45,528
(KNOCKING)

871
00:37:47,697 --> 00:37:49,831
This is for you,

872
00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,601
<i>and this is also for you.</i>

873
00:37:52,869 --> 00:37:54,836
<i>And the last thing</i>

874
00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:56,606
is too big to bring up.

875
00:37:57,673 --> 00:37:59,777
I'll just get my shoes.

876
00:38:04,514 --> 00:38:05,813
Is that?

877
00:38:05,815 --> 00:38:07,882
BLAKE:
<i>A sex moped.</i>

878
00:38:07,884 --> 00:38:09,316
NIKKI:
<i>A hoeped.</i>

879
00:38:09,318 --> 00:38:10,621
Oh my god!

880
00:38:18,027 --> 00:38:19,829
NIKKI:
<i>What does it say?</i>

881
00:38:21,498 --> 00:38:23,733
Sorry I stole your bike.

882
00:38:26,702 --> 00:38:29,737
Hey, Conrad here and today,

883
00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:32,874
I'm gonna show you
how to ride a moped!

884
00:38:32,876 --> 00:38:34,378
Conrad's kinda cute.

885
00:38:35,579 --> 00:38:37,144
Kinda.

886
00:38:37,146 --> 00:38:38,146
Hold this.

887
00:38:38,148 --> 00:38:39,146
CONRAD:
<i>To be honest.</i>

888
00:38:39,148 --> 00:38:41,384
<i>I mean, you just
turn the key.</i>

889
00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,822
<i>Check your mirror.</i>

890
00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:49,923
<i>Looking good.</i>

891
00:38:49,925 --> 00:38:51,226
BLAKE:
<i>Pass me my helmet.</i>

892
00:38:51,228 --> 00:38:52,927
CONRAD: <i>You gotta
kick up the kickstand.</i>

893
00:38:52,929 --> 00:38:55,095
Hold on, Conrad's
bike won't start.

894
00:38:55,097 --> 00:38:57,398
CONRAD:
<i>And you know, um,</i>

895
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,532
you know, hopefully

896
00:38:58,534 --> 00:38:59,700
Conrad, why did you post this?

897
00:38:59,702 --> 00:39:01,603
(ENGINE RUMBLES)

898
00:39:01,605 --> 00:39:02,673
Get on!

899
00:39:08,577 --> 00:39:10,114
<i>I feel dangerous.</i>

900
00:39:11,547 --> 00:39:13,550
Cartilage piercing dangerous.

901
00:39:13,916 --> 00:39:16,083
It's not that dangerous.

902
00:39:16,085 --> 00:39:17,084
You ready?

903
00:39:17,086 --> 00:39:18,952
<i>Take that bow off!</i>

904
00:39:18,954 --> 00:39:20,287
<i>♪ You live in a man's world</i>

905
00:39:20,289 --> 00:39:22,023
<i>♪ Man, man, man's world</i>

906
00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:25,025
<i>♪ I tell you I don't
want to anymore</i>

907
00:39:25,027 --> 00:39:28,762
<i>♪ Let's sing na na na na na</i>

908
00:39:28,764 --> 00:39:31,900
<i>♪ Kick you out the door ♪</i>

909
00:39:31,902 --> 00:39:33,967
<i>♪ Money hey ♪</i>

910
00:39:33,969 --> 00:39:34,969
<i>♪ Money woo ♪</i>

911
00:39:34,971 --> 00:39:35,970
<i>♪ Money hey ♪</i>

912
00:39:35,972 --> 00:39:37,771
Ah! Oh my god!

913
00:39:37,773 --> 00:39:39,541
Take my picture!

914
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:40,775
Oh my god!

915
00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,443
<i>Ow! Why?!</i>

916
00:39:42,445 --> 00:39:43,912
Ow!

917
00:39:43,914 --> 00:39:45,112
Does it look cool?

918
00:39:45,114 --> 00:39:46,616
NIKKI:
<i>Uh, yeah.</i>

919
00:39:46,916 --> 00:39:47,916
There's a little bit of

920
00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:49,416
- of blood.
- What?

921
00:39:49,418 --> 00:39:50,584
But don't touch it,
don't touch it.

922
00:39:50,586 --> 00:39:52,119
How am I going to
wear my bike helmet?

923
00:39:52,121 --> 00:39:57,124
(FUN UPBEAT MUSIC)

924
00:39:57,126 --> 00:40:04,134
♪

925
00:40:06,969 --> 00:40:08,772
What happened to your ear?

926
00:40:09,271 --> 00:40:11,074
I got my cartilage pierced.

927
00:40:12,007 --> 00:40:13,407
JACOB:
<i>Looks like it hurt.</i>

928
00:40:13,409 --> 00:40:14,644
It doesn't.

929
00:40:33,864 --> 00:40:35,095
Are you still
pissed off with me

930
00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:37,034
because you fit
in my pants?

931
00:40:37,867 --> 00:40:39,936
That's not why
I'm pissed off.

932
00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,806
So you are mad.

933
00:40:42,271 --> 00:40:44,040
So now you're applying?

934
00:40:46,175 --> 00:40:47,978
I was always applying.

935
00:40:57,019 --> 00:40:58,052
Hold on.

936
00:40:58,054 --> 00:41:04,057
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL)

937
00:41:04,059 --> 00:41:05,994
♪

938
00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:07,498
Does he know?

939
00:41:08,063 --> 00:41:09,863
That I'm applying
for an award?

940
00:41:09,865 --> 00:41:12,202
That you're writing
about him to win an award.

941
00:41:14,403 --> 00:41:15,905
BLAKE:
<i>I changed his name.</i>

942
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:17,740
So no.

943
00:41:21,878 --> 00:41:23,146
Nice ride.

944
00:41:23,847 --> 00:41:24,845
Thanks.

945
00:41:24,847 --> 00:41:26,650
How'd you pay for it?

946
00:41:29,885 --> 00:41:30,887
'Kay, bye.

947
00:41:34,257 --> 00:41:39,260
(PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL)

948
00:41:39,262 --> 00:41:46,269
♪

949
00:42:16,766 --> 00:42:19,936
I thought of something
that I want.

950
00:42:20,436 --> 00:42:21,739
IAN:
<i>Oh yeah?</i>

951
00:42:22,938 --> 00:42:24,741
<i>What do you want?</i>

952
00:42:25,942 --> 00:42:28,945
I'm applying for an award
and I need a reference letter.

953
00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:33,349
What's the award for?

954
00:42:35,184 --> 00:42:36,186
Journalism.

955
00:42:38,153 --> 00:42:39,923
You're in it-you're in it
for the money, aren't you?

956
00:42:44,193 --> 00:42:45,760
But if I win,

957
00:42:45,762 --> 00:42:47,998
I get a bunch of cash and
I can pay off my debt.

958
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,266
You know, I could
help you with that,

959
00:42:53,268 --> 00:42:55,038
<i>if that's something
that you wanted.</i>

960
00:42:55,438 --> 00:42:56,974
Thought you didn't
write checks.

961
00:42:58,608 --> 00:43:01,010
IAN: <i>Well, I'd consider
it an investment.</i>

962
00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:07,481
You're the only person that
would invest in journalism.

963
00:43:07,483 --> 00:43:09,987
Well, I wouldn't be
investing in journalism,

964
00:43:11,186 --> 00:43:12,455
I'd be investing in you.

965
00:43:18,193 --> 00:43:20,029
What's in it for you?

966
00:43:21,898 --> 00:43:22,967
This.

967
00:43:27,369 --> 00:43:29,172
You can think about it.

968
00:43:32,708 --> 00:43:34,010
And the letter?

969
00:43:36,646 --> 00:43:38,479
Why don't you write it out

970
00:43:38,481 --> 00:43:40,017
and then I'll sign it.

971
00:43:42,217 --> 00:43:45,521
Okay, so do you wanna read a
writing sample or something?

972
00:43:48,891 --> 00:43:50,258
Sure.

973
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:51,592
So I'll email it.

974
00:43:51,594 --> 00:43:54,228
Yeah, you can email it, great.

975
00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,599
Or I can print it.

976
00:43:57,032 --> 00:43:58,032
Whatever's easier.

977
00:43:58,034 --> 00:43:59,032
I'llI'll email it.

978
00:43:59,034 --> 00:44:00,034
I'll PDF it.

979
00:44:00,036 --> 00:44:02,438
Yeah, PDF it, for sure.

980
00:44:04,173 --> 00:44:06,541
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>A mutually
beneficial relationship.</i>

981
00:44:06,543 --> 00:44:07,945
<i>I was a sugar baby.</i>

982
00:44:09,179 --> 00:44:10,945
<i>If you just saw us
drinking in some park</i>

983
00:44:10,947 --> 00:44:13,246
<i>like we were in some
frigging French film,</i>

984
00:44:13,248 --> 00:44:18,052
<i>or eating tiny, fancy food in
some tiny, fancy restaurant,</i>

985
00:44:18,054 --> 00:44:21,289
<i>or holding hands and
coffees in sweater weather,</i>

986
00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:22,856
<i>and some upbeat
love song played</i>

987
00:44:22,858 --> 00:44:25,258
<i>over what we were
actually saying,</i>

988
00:44:25,260 --> 00:44:28,262
<i>it would appear that we
were falling in love.</i>

989
00:44:28,264 --> 00:44:30,130
<i>He didn't play games.</i>

990
00:44:30,132 --> 00:44:32,300
<i>He called when he
said he would,</i>

991
00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:34,635
<i>and made concrete
plans in advance.</i>

992
00:44:34,637 --> 00:44:37,271
<i>It was chivalry
at its finest.</i>

993
00:44:37,273 --> 00:44:39,106
<i>Perhaps romance
wasn't dead,</i>

994
00:44:39,108 --> 00:44:41,641
<i>it was just hiding out
in another dimension,</i>

995
00:44:41,643 --> 00:44:43,244
<i>a world where
social interaction</i>

996
00:44:43,246 --> 00:44:45,479
<i>was actually a transaction,</i>

997
00:44:45,481 --> 00:44:47,115
<i>and going to the
theatre was something</i>

998
00:44:47,117 --> 00:44:48,919
<i>I did on a Saturday night.</i>

999
00:44:49,318 --> 00:44:50,385
<i>The truth is,</i>

1000
00:44:50,387 --> 00:44:52,385
<i>while I ate my
overpriced Gummi Bears</i>

1001
00:44:52,387 --> 00:44:54,588
<i>he brought me
during intermission,</i>

1002
00:44:54,590 --> 00:44:56,393
<i>I felt like a goddamn lady.</i>

1003
00:44:57,159 --> 00:45:01,164
(APPLAUSE)

1004
00:45:12,175 --> 00:45:14,307
WOMAN: <i>I bet you she
doesn't even like him.</i>

1005
00:45:14,309 --> 00:45:16,079
CLAIRE: <i>Do you like every
guy you've hooked up with?</i>

1006
00:45:16,813 --> 00:45:18,412
<i>I stayed with Tom because
we were in the middle</i>

1007
00:45:18,414 --> 00:45:20,818
<i>of Stranger Things and
I don't have Netflix.</i>

1008
00:45:22,684 --> 00:45:24,552
WOMAN: <i>It's not
really the same thing.</i>

1009
00:45:24,554 --> 00:45:27,191
<i>He bought her a scooter
for having sex with him.</i>

1010
00:45:29,559 --> 00:45:32,526
(TOILET FLUSHING)

1011
00:45:32,528 --> 00:45:33,797
Hey.

1012
00:45:34,530 --> 00:45:35,798
Hey.

1013
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,536
(WATER RUNNING)

1014
00:45:51,213 --> 00:45:52,750
NIKKI:
<i>You're not a hooker.</i>

1015
00:45:53,416 --> 00:45:56,349
But I don't know what
being a hooker feels like.

1016
00:45:56,351 --> 00:45:58,586
What if it feels
just like this?

1017
00:45:58,588 --> 00:45:59,586
How do you feel?

1018
00:45:59,588 --> 00:46:00,857
BLAKE:
<i>I feel fine.</i>

1019
00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:04,191
Good, like, really good.

1020
00:46:04,193 --> 00:46:05,392
That might just
be the cupcakes.

1021
00:46:05,394 --> 00:46:07,228
BLAKE:
<i>Can't believe you made these.</i>

1022
00:46:07,230 --> 00:46:08,595
Since when do you bake?

1023
00:46:08,597 --> 00:46:09,866
NIKKI:
<i>I got bored.</i>

1024
00:46:11,067 --> 00:46:12,568
Then I got bored
when I was baking,

1025
00:46:13,369 --> 00:46:15,372
so I sprinkled in
a bunch of Molly!

1026
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,708
Ha ha.

1027
00:46:19,576 --> 00:46:21,077
No, I did, for real.

1028
00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:22,913
No.

1029
00:46:23,713 --> 00:46:25,412
<i>No, Nikki!</i>

1030
00:46:25,414 --> 00:46:26,916
I can't have drugs!

1031
00:46:27,382 --> 00:46:29,285
I'm emotionally unstable!

1032
00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:31,418
Take it back.

1033
00:46:31,420 --> 00:46:32,354
NIKKI:
<i>No.</i>

1034
00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:33,287
BLAKE:
<i>I have to make myself puke.</i>

1035
00:46:33,289 --> 00:46:34,621
No, no, no, no,
don't throw it up.

1036
00:46:34,623 --> 00:46:35,856
BLAKE:
<i>I hate puking.</i>

1037
00:46:35,858 --> 00:46:37,224
NIKKI: <i>I should have got
Jimmy as the roommate,</i>

1038
00:46:37,226 --> 00:46:38,394
<i>Jimmy would have loved this.</i>

1039
00:46:42,431 --> 00:46:43,699
(KNOCKING)

1040
00:46:46,268 --> 00:46:47,267
NIKKI:
<i>Hello.</i>

1041
00:46:47,269 --> 00:46:48,269
Hi.

1042
00:46:48,271 --> 00:46:51,438
Uh, Bla, hey you,
in the bathroom!

1043
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,039
Your Uber Eats is here.

1044
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:54,441
BLAKE:
<i>What are you talking about?</i>

1045
00:46:54,443 --> 00:46:56,413
<i>I can't afford Uber Eats.</i>

1046
00:46:59,148 --> 00:47:01,249
Hey, oh, you look
really nice.

1047
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,717
<i>What are you doing here?</i>

1048
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,452
IAN: <i>Um, do you wanna
go to a wedding with me?</i>

1049
00:47:05,454 --> 00:47:06,456
(CHUCKLES)

1050
00:47:07,289 --> 00:47:08,289
I've never been to a wedding.

1051
00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:09,824
- Me neither.
- IAN: <i>Really?</i>

1052
00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,157
Yeah, when is it?

1053
00:47:11,159 --> 00:47:12,425
Now.

1054
00:47:12,427 --> 00:47:13,561
Like, now now?

1055
00:47:13,563 --> 00:47:14,561
Yeah.

1056
00:47:14,563 --> 00:47:15,662
<i>Sorry for the short notice,</i>

1057
00:47:15,664 --> 00:47:18,465
um I just hate going
to these things alone.

1058
00:47:18,467 --> 00:47:20,501
But I did get you this.

1059
00:47:20,503 --> 00:47:21,568
NIKKI:
<i>Oh my god.</i>

1060
00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:23,304
(GASPING)

1061
00:47:23,306 --> 00:47:24,304
NIKKI:
<i>Oh my god.</i>

1062
00:47:24,306 --> 00:47:25,907
BLAKE:
<i>Yeah, it's pretty sparkly.</i>

1063
00:47:25,909 --> 00:47:27,677
Oh!
(LAUGHTER)

1064
00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:29,476
It's dangerous.

1065
00:47:29,478 --> 00:47:31,278
IAN:
<i>It's stupid, sorry.</i>

1066
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:34,447
Um, it's sparkly because
the stones are so clear.

1067
00:47:34,449 --> 00:47:37,253
I think they're only found
in one place in the world.

1068
00:47:38,954 --> 00:47:40,757
Are you gonna say your heart?

1069
00:47:41,657 --> 00:47:43,293
No, South Africa.

1070
00:47:44,427 --> 00:47:45,659
Close enough.

1071
00:47:45,661 --> 00:47:47,762
So, are-are they
blood diamonds?

1072
00:47:47,764 --> 00:47:48,762
No.

1073
00:47:48,764 --> 00:47:49,764
BLAKE:
<i>Are you sure?</i>

1074
00:47:49,766 --> 00:47:50,764
Yes.

1075
00:47:50,766 --> 00:47:51,766
So no one died for them?

1076
00:47:51,768 --> 00:47:54,601
No. Those are
100% organic,

1077
00:47:54,603 --> 00:47:56,470
farm fresh,
vegan diamonds.

1078
00:47:56,472 --> 00:47:58,505
BLAKE: <i>Okay, I'm
gonna go get ready.</i>

1079
00:47:58,507 --> 00:47:59,441
Okay.

1080
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:00,340
NIKKI:
<i>Uh, uh, wear the pink dress.</i>

1081
00:48:00,342 --> 00:48:01,541
BLAKE:
<i>I don't have a pink dress.</i>

1082
00:48:01,543 --> 00:48:04,945
NIKKI: <i>Yeah, the
long one, pink, low.</i>

1083
00:48:04,947 --> 00:48:06,313
I had a blue one.

1084
00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:07,315
It's mine,

1085
00:48:07,317 --> 00:48:08,516
I'm trying to make
you look good.

1086
00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:10,150
- Oh, thank you so much.
- <i>You ruined it.</i>

1087
00:48:10,152 --> 00:48:11,519
Okay, I'll be really quick.

1088
00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:12,522
IAN:
<i>Okay.</i>

1089
00:48:23,565 --> 00:48:26,032
<i>So you guys have lived
together for a while?</i>

1090
00:48:26,034 --> 00:48:29,737
Yeah, we were-we were um
roommates in freshman year.

1091
00:48:29,739 --> 00:48:32,639
We hated each other for
the first few months,

1092
00:48:32,641 --> 00:48:34,543
then Philip Seymour
Hoffman died.

1093
00:48:36,545 --> 00:48:37,813
Yeah.

1094
00:48:38,581 --> 00:48:44,150
NIKKI: <i>Wow. Wow.
Oh, wow, you look beautiful.</i>

1095
00:48:44,152 --> 00:48:45,519
Thanks.

1096
00:48:45,521 --> 00:48:46,757
He stood up.

1097
00:48:48,190 --> 00:48:49,425
(GENTLE CLAPPING)

1098
00:48:57,199 --> 00:48:58,599
Wait, whose wedding is this?

1099
00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,369
Um, you met Bobby, right?

1100
00:49:02,005 --> 00:49:03,570
The guy from the pool?

1101
00:49:03,572 --> 00:49:04,572
Yeah.

1102
00:49:04,574 --> 00:49:05,572
He's getting married?

1103
00:49:05,574 --> 00:49:06,576
Yeah.

1104
00:49:07,844 --> 00:49:12,847
(SULTRY MUSIC)

1105
00:49:12,849 --> 00:49:16,787
♪

1106
00:49:26,795 --> 00:49:28,595
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>I take you</i>

1107
00:49:28,597 --> 00:49:32,499
<i>to be my lawfully
wedded husband,</i>

1108
00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:34,438
<i>to have and to hold</i>

1109
00:49:35,838 --> 00:49:37,341
<i>from this day forward.</i>

1110
00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:41,675
<i>For better, for worse,</i>

1111
00:49:41,677 --> 00:49:44,512
<i>for richer, for poorer,</i>

1112
00:49:44,514 --> 00:49:45,816
<i>in sickness and in health</i>

1113
00:49:46,748 --> 00:49:48,517
<i>until death do us part.</i>

1114
00:49:52,288 --> 00:49:54,021
Are you-are you okay?

1115
00:49:54,023 --> 00:49:55,623
I'm on drugs.

1116
00:49:55,625 --> 00:49:57,657
Oh, wow, what kind?

1117
00:49:57,659 --> 00:49:59,092
Cupcakes with Molly in them,

1118
00:49:59,094 --> 00:50:00,360
I should have told you,
I'm so sorry.

1119
00:50:00,362 --> 00:50:01,595
IAN:
<i>Shit.</i>

1120
00:50:01,597 --> 00:50:02,865
- <i>Jesus.</i>
- No, I'm good.

1121
00:50:03,632 --> 00:50:05,132
I've done Molly
like, once before.

1122
00:50:05,134 --> 00:50:07,367
It was fun until I puked
all over somebody's shoes,

1123
00:50:07,369 --> 00:50:08,668
but I don't foresee that
happening this time.

1124
00:50:08,670 --> 00:50:11,338
I don't feel nauseous
at all, I'm good.

1125
00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:12,706
<i>I'm sorry, I said
that already.</i>

1126
00:50:12,708 --> 00:50:14,941
I'm gonna be
serious from now.

1127
00:50:14,943 --> 00:50:17,711
Yeah, falling in love
is a very serious matter.

1128
00:50:17,713 --> 00:50:18,981
So serious.

1129
00:50:19,681 --> 00:50:21,514
So you're okay with
the choreographed dance

1130
00:50:21,516 --> 00:50:23,050
that we have to do later?

1131
00:50:23,052 --> 00:50:24,851
Oh my God, I would love that.

1132
00:50:24,853 --> 00:50:26,119
IAN:
<i>There'll be a speech</i>

1133
00:50:26,121 --> 00:50:27,387
with a lot of inside jokes

1134
00:50:27,389 --> 00:50:29,123
that neither one of
us are gonna get.

1135
00:50:29,125 --> 00:50:30,360
Bring it on.

1136
00:50:31,693 --> 00:50:32,793
<i>Do you believe in love?</i>

1137
00:50:32,795 --> 00:50:34,063
My parents got divorced.

1138
00:50:34,697 --> 00:50:36,996
Uh, oh.

1139
00:50:36,998 --> 00:50:37,998
No, I'm good, I'm okay.

1140
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,532
I'm good, let's
go get a drink.

1141
00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:40,700
Yep.

1142
00:50:40,702 --> 00:50:46,072
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

1143
00:50:46,074 --> 00:50:48,309
♪

1144
00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:51,144
<i>♪ Whoa this feeling</i>

1145
00:50:51,146 --> 00:50:54,648
<i>♪ Whoa almost got me reeling</i>

1146
00:50:54,650 --> 00:50:57,684
<i>♪ Yeah it's on me and I
cannot seem to shake it</i>

1147
00:50:57,686 --> 00:51:00,920
<i>♪ This song has got me and
I can't seem to break it ♪</i>

1148
00:51:00,922 --> 00:51:04,560
(FADING INTO GENTLE MUSIC)

1149
00:51:11,099 --> 00:51:15,603
♪ All of us have
felt the burden

1150
00:51:15,605 --> 00:51:18,371
♪ Of being nowhere alone

1151
00:51:18,373 --> 00:51:21,407
♪ With feelings that leave us

1152
00:51:21,409 --> 00:51:25,579
♪ Wondering when
the time will come

1153
00:51:25,581 --> 00:51:31,751
<i>♪ To find something, someone,
a feeling to guide us ♪</i>

1154
00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:32,753
Oh my god.

1155
00:51:32,755 --> 00:51:37,624
<i>♪ Like a technicolour operation</i>

1156
00:51:37,626 --> 00:51:42,632
<i>♪ You commandeer
my field of vision</i>

1157
00:51:46,469 --> 00:51:50,474
♪ I'm a bullet in the ocean

1158
00:51:51,873 --> 00:51:54,941
♪ You harness me so softly

1159
00:51:54,943 --> 00:51:58,445
♪ That I just fall

1160
00:51:58,447 --> 00:52:00,880
♪ Baby ♪

1161
00:52:00,882 --> 00:52:03,252
(CHEERING)

1162
00:52:06,422 --> 00:52:07,420
WOMAN:
<i>Oh, it's so cute.</i>

1163
00:52:07,422 --> 00:52:08,657
MAN:
<i>Oh, yes.</i>

1164
00:52:11,994 --> 00:52:13,262
Hey.

1165
00:52:13,795 --> 00:52:14,894
Hey, congratulations.

1166
00:52:14,896 --> 00:52:16,597
BOBBY:
<i>Thank you.</i>

1167
00:52:16,599 --> 00:52:17,601
Big day.

1168
00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:19,432
It's a beautiful wedding,

1169
00:52:19,434 --> 00:52:20,633
you have a really good voice.

1170
00:52:20,635 --> 00:52:21,904
Yeah?

1171
00:52:22,838 --> 00:52:23,840
How's Morgan?

1172
00:52:24,606 --> 00:52:26,307
Uh, I haven't seen
her in a while.

1173
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:27,611
That's too bad.

1174
00:52:28,777 --> 00:52:30,012
You know, I, um,

1175
00:52:31,079 --> 00:52:33,313
I dig that bike.

1176
00:52:33,315 --> 00:52:35,117
<i>I think girls on
bikes are cool.</i>

1177
00:52:36,485 --> 00:52:37,787
How much that cost?

1178
00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:40,820
I'mI'm not sure actually.

1179
00:52:40,822 --> 00:52:44,027
Yeah, must be doing
something special.

1180
00:52:51,833 --> 00:52:53,300
Your wife.

1181
00:52:53,302 --> 00:52:54,802
BOBBY: <i>Oh no, no, we have
an open relationship.</i>

1182
00:52:54,804 --> 00:52:56,135
There was a whole,

1183
00:52:56,137 --> 00:52:57,304
there was this book,

1184
00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,773
and I don't really remember,

1185
00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:01,677
but you can have sex
with other people.

1186
00:53:03,846 --> 00:53:04,845
That's cool.

1187
00:53:04,847 --> 00:53:05,849
BOBBY:
<i>Yeah.</i>

1188
00:53:10,485 --> 00:53:11,887
What do you want?

1189
00:53:12,722 --> 00:53:14,724
To go to the bathroom.

1190
00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:17,059
Is that all?

1191
00:53:21,864 --> 00:53:23,099
(THUD)
Ow!

1192
00:53:26,101 --> 00:53:31,104
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

1193
00:53:31,106 --> 00:53:35,144
♪

1194
00:54:03,938 --> 00:54:05,938
DRIVER:
<i>Why's your rating so low?</i>

1195
00:54:05,940 --> 00:54:06,942
What?

1196
00:54:08,043 --> 00:54:10,112
DRIVER:
<i>You're only at a 4.3.</i>

1197
00:54:11,746 --> 00:54:12,945
I am?

1198
00:54:12,947 --> 00:54:14,216
DRIVER:
<i>Yep.</i>

1199
00:54:15,818 --> 00:54:16,820
Why?

1200
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:18,822
DRIVER:
<i>I don't know.</i>

1201
00:54:19,655 --> 00:54:21,121
<i>You seem fine.</i>

1202
00:54:21,123 --> 00:54:22,789
I am fine.

1203
00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,795
(MELANCHOLY INSTRUMENTAL)

1204
00:54:27,797 --> 00:54:31,835
♪

1205
00:55:07,268 --> 00:55:08,504
(KNOCKING)

1206
00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:17,276
Hi.
What are you doing here?

1207
00:55:17,278 --> 00:55:19,445
We didn't have plans.

1208
00:55:19,447 --> 00:55:21,447
Oh, I know, I just
wanted to stop by

1209
00:55:21,449 --> 00:55:23,851
and apologize for
leaving the wedding.

1210
00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,655
I can't do this right now.

1211
00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:28,222
Okay, it's just,

1212
00:55:28,224 --> 00:55:29,222
when I went to the bathroom

1213
00:55:29,224 --> 00:55:30,860
This isn't how this works.

1214
00:55:37,199 --> 00:55:38,965
WOMAN:
<i>Many are quick to label</i>

1215
00:55:38,967 --> 00:55:42,869
the sugar lifestyle
choice as prostitution,

1216
00:55:42,871 --> 00:55:45,072
but there are lots
of differences

1217
00:55:45,074 --> 00:55:48,876
<i>between this lifestyle
and the oldest profession.</i>

1218
00:55:48,878 --> 00:55:53,883
A prostitute and a client have
a transactional relationship.

1219
00:55:54,315 --> 00:55:59,321
<i>They meet, participate in
some sort of a physical act,</i>

1220
00:56:00,222 --> 00:56:01,725
<i>exchange funds,</i>

1221
00:56:02,023 --> 00:56:03,525
<i>and part ways.</i>

1222
00:56:04,025 --> 00:56:08,862
<i>Typically, this is a one
time occurrence, a job.</i>

1223
00:56:08,864 --> 00:56:10,329
<i>There is no relationship,</i>

1224
00:56:10,331 --> 00:56:13,900
<i>and no possibility
for a relationship,</i>

1225
00:56:13,902 --> 00:56:16,903
<i>and that is the biggest
difference, really.</i>

1226
00:56:16,905 --> 00:56:18,240
<i>The relationship.</i>

1227
00:56:21,076 --> 00:56:22,344
Hey.

1228
00:56:22,744 --> 00:56:24,077
Yo.

1229
00:56:24,079 --> 00:56:26,280
What are you wearing to
the toga party tonight?

1230
00:56:26,282 --> 00:56:27,884
Uh, a toga.

1231
00:56:29,083 --> 00:56:30,719
So I can't wear this?

1232
00:56:33,521 --> 00:56:35,255
It's not a toga.

1233
00:56:35,257 --> 00:56:36,525
What about now?

1234
00:56:37,559 --> 00:56:39,596
BLAKE: <i>Uh, yeah, no,
still not a toga.</i>

1235
00:56:41,096 --> 00:56:43,266
Nikki, it's not a toga.

1236
00:56:44,967 --> 00:56:45,969
NIKKI:
<i>Fine.</i>

1237
00:56:55,110 --> 00:57:00,884
(PHONE BUZZING)

1238
00:57:05,487 --> 00:57:06,755
Hey.

1239
00:57:07,755 --> 00:57:12,758
(SOPHISTICATED MUSIC)

1240
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,128
♪

1241
00:57:16,130 --> 00:57:18,831
So, uh, about earlier.

1242
00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:20,200
It-it's okay,

1243
00:57:20,202 --> 00:57:23,006
but you can't just
show up at my house.

1244
00:57:24,472 --> 00:57:25,539
To be fair,

1245
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:27,039
you did just show
up at my house

1246
00:57:27,041 --> 00:57:29,008
and invite me to
your wedding.

1247
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:31,110
And I got you that bracelet.

1248
00:57:31,112 --> 00:57:32,147
Right.

1249
00:57:37,152 --> 00:57:39,188
I read your
reference letter today.

1250
00:57:40,456 --> 00:57:41,691
- Oh yeah?
- <i>Mhm.</i>

1251
00:57:43,192 --> 00:57:46,492
Do you support all the fantastic
things I said about myself?

1252
00:57:46,494 --> 00:57:48,228
No.

1253
00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:49,295
I'm gonna rewrite it,

1254
00:57:49,297 --> 00:57:50,833
tell the truth.

1255
00:57:56,204 --> 00:57:57,403
Did you read my
writing sample?

1256
00:57:57,405 --> 00:57:59,206
Mm.

1257
00:57:59,208 --> 00:58:01,010
I'm gonna get to
it this weekend.

1258
00:58:12,887 --> 00:58:14,690
Do you have any siblings?

1259
00:58:15,490 --> 00:58:16,490
What?

1260
00:58:16,492 --> 00:58:19,226
You know, brothers
or sisters, siblings.

1261
00:58:19,228 --> 00:58:20,230
Why?

1262
00:58:21,063 --> 00:58:22,429
I just realized
that I don't know

1263
00:58:22,431 --> 00:58:23,429
anything about your family.

1264
00:58:23,431 --> 00:58:25,234
We don't have to do this.

1265
00:58:27,536 --> 00:58:28,838
Okay.

1266
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,041
It's really good, isn't it.

1267
00:58:34,043 --> 00:58:35,044
BLAKE:
<i>Mm.</i>

1268
00:58:39,949 --> 00:58:42,452
There are so many expensive
bottles of wine in here.

1269
00:58:43,284 --> 00:58:44,284
IAN:
<i>Mhm.</i>

1270
00:58:44,286 --> 00:58:46,289
Imagine if I just
smashed them all.

1271
00:58:51,092 --> 00:58:52,895
BLAKE:
<i>You missed my turn.</i>

1272
00:58:53,762 --> 00:58:55,765
IAN: <i>Oh, we're-we're
going to my place.</i>

1273
00:58:58,067 --> 00:58:59,568
No, I want to go home.

1274
00:59:03,271 --> 00:59:05,074
(SNIGGERS)
It's so early.

1275
00:59:17,485 --> 00:59:18,485
(DOOR CLICKING OPEN)

1276
00:59:18,487 --> 00:59:20,554
IAN:
<i>Oh ho ho, who's this?</i>

1277
00:59:20,556 --> 00:59:22,289
<i>Who is this?</i>

1278
00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:23,793
<i>Gertie, Gertie, Gertie.</i>

1279
00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:27,293
She missed you.

1280
00:59:27,295 --> 00:59:28,295
See that?

1281
00:59:28,297 --> 00:59:29,565
You did, didn't you?

1282
00:59:30,965 --> 00:59:32,465
Where you goin'?

1283
00:59:32,467 --> 00:59:34,269
<i>Ha ha ha ha.</i>

1284
00:59:37,271 --> 00:59:40,574
<i>Oh, yes, I'm happy
to see you, too.</i>

1285
00:59:40,576 --> 00:59:42,309
<i>Yes I am.</i>

1286
00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:44,113
<i>Yes I am, yes.</i>

1287
00:59:51,686 --> 00:59:54,324
(LIQUID TRICKLING)

1288
01:00:06,367 --> 01:00:07,636
(CLINK)

1289
01:00:15,710 --> 01:00:17,510
(NEEDLE DROPPING ON VINYL)

1290
01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:23,215
("CATCH THE WIND" BY DONOVAN)

1291
01:00:23,217 --> 01:00:25,619
♪

1292
01:00:25,621 --> 01:00:29,188
<i>♪ In the chilly
hours and minutes</i>

1293
01:00:29,190 --> 01:00:31,358
<i>♪ Of uncertainty</i>

1294
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,360
<i>♪ I want to be</i>

1295
01:00:34,362 --> 01:00:39,134
<i>♪ In the warm hold
of your loving mind</i>

1296
01:00:41,804 --> 01:00:45,838
<i>♪ To feel you all around me</i>

1297
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:48,008
<i>♪ And to take your hand</i>

1298
01:00:48,010 --> 01:00:50,242
<i>♪ Along the sand</i>

1299
01:00:50,244 --> 01:00:55,250
<i>♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind</i>

1300
01:00:58,219 --> 01:01:02,456
<i>♪ When sundown pales the sky</i>

1301
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,590
<i>♪ I want to hide a while</i>

1302
01:01:04,592 --> 01:01:07,094
<i>♪ Behind your smile</i>

1303
01:01:07,096 --> 01:01:12,902
<i>♪ And everywhere I'd look,
your eyes I'd find</i>

1304
01:01:15,304 --> 01:01:19,139
<i>♪ For me to love you now</i>

1305
01:01:19,141 --> 01:01:21,307
<i>♪ Would be the sweetest thing</i>

1306
01:01:21,309 --> 01:01:23,744
<i>♪ T'would make me sing</i>

1307
01:01:23,746 --> 01:01:28,751
<i>♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind</i>

1308
01:01:31,753 --> 01:01:35,755
<i>♪ Deeddy di dee
dee deeddy deeddy ♪</i>

1309
01:01:35,757 --> 01:01:44,331
<i>♪ Deeddy deeddy
deeddy dee dee dee ♪</i>

1310
01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:48,467
<i>♪ When rain has hung
the leaves with tears</i>

1311
01:01:48,469 --> 01:01:51,104
<i>♪ I want you near
to kill my fears</i>

1312
01:01:51,106 --> 01:01:52,671
(HEAVY BREATHING)

1313
01:01:52,673 --> 01:01:57,679
<i>♪ To help me to leave
all my blues behind</i>

1314
01:02:00,748 --> 01:02:04,450
<i>♪ For standin' in your heart</i>

1315
01:02:04,452 --> 01:02:07,287
<i>♪ Is where I want to be</i>

1316
01:02:07,289 --> 01:02:09,356
<i>♪ And long to be</i>

1317
01:02:09,358 --> 01:02:15,929
<i>♪ Ah, but I may as well
try and catch the wind ♪</i>

1318
01:02:15,931 --> 01:02:19,969
♪

1319
01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,358
(SONG FADING AWAY)

1320
01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:47,497
(FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY)

1321
01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:10,816
(DOG CLAWS TICKING)

1322
01:03:10,818 --> 01:03:14,824
(QUIET FOOTSTEPS)

1323
01:03:25,567 --> 01:03:27,570
(CHIRPING)

1324
01:03:46,889 --> 01:03:51,894
(DOOR HANDLE RATTLING)

1325
01:04:00,469 --> 01:04:05,472
("SPINNING BLUE" BY BIEN)

1326
01:04:05,474 --> 01:04:09,745
♪

1327
01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:20,119
<i>♪ Wake up wake up wake up</i>

1328
01:04:20,121 --> 01:04:21,655
<i>♪ The sun is rising</i>

1329
01:04:21,657 --> 01:04:24,224
<i>♪ The day is here for us</i>

1330
01:04:24,226 --> 01:04:25,624
<i>♪ To take and run</i>

1331
01:04:25,626 --> 01:04:31,634
<i>♪ With all our might to
catch the light to be alive</i>

1332
01:04:34,503 --> 01:04:37,470
<i>♪ Come on come on come on</i>

1333
01:04:37,472 --> 01:04:38,505
<i>♪ Take my hand</i>

1334
01:04:38,507 --> 01:04:41,675
<i>♪ And bring your
dreams along</i>

1335
01:04:41,677 --> 01:04:43,677
<i>♪ See the wonderful</i>

1336
01:04:43,679 --> 01:04:48,416
<i>♪ All around get lost get
found covered in sound</i>

1337
01:04:51,753 --> 01:04:54,653
<i>♪ We're all spinning on blue</i>

1338
01:04:54,655 --> 01:05:00,793
<i>♪ Watching the
same clouds (OOH)</i>

1339
01:05:00,795 --> 01:05:05,800
<i>♪ Breathing in,
breathing out ♪</i>

1340
01:05:09,503 --> 01:05:11,403
(DISTANT LAUGHTER
AND CONVERSATION)

1341
01:05:11,405 --> 01:05:12,474
Blake.

1342
01:05:19,715 --> 01:05:20,716
<i>I'll catch up.</i>

1343
01:05:21,983 --> 01:05:23,219
Blake.

1344
01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:26,521
You look like E.T.

1345
01:05:30,891 --> 01:05:32,894
I didn't see ya
at the toga party.

1346
01:05:36,364 --> 01:05:37,697
You okay?

1347
01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:38,934
Yeah, I'm great.

1348
01:05:40,735 --> 01:05:42,003
JACOB:
<i>Hey.</i>

1349
01:05:42,603 --> 01:05:43,905
It's okay.

1350
01:05:47,541 --> 01:05:49,441
You don't have to do this.

1351
01:05:49,443 --> 01:05:50,512
Do what?

1352
01:05:51,579 --> 01:05:54,748
Be nice to me because
you feel bad or something.

1353
01:05:54,750 --> 01:05:56,552
JACOB:
<i>Oh, I don't feel bad.</i>

1354
01:05:58,452 --> 01:05:59,521
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

1355
01:06:02,724 --> 01:06:05,791
Well, you can feel a little
bad for me if you want.

1356
01:06:05,793 --> 01:06:07,062
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

1357
01:06:09,630 --> 01:06:11,433
Do you wanna talk
about it, or?

1358
01:06:13,768 --> 01:06:15,068
Do you wanna,

1359
01:06:15,070 --> 01:06:16,372
go for breakfast?

1360
01:06:19,206 --> 01:06:20,442
Okay.

1361
01:06:20,775 --> 01:06:22,043
I'll get the bike.

1362
01:06:30,284 --> 01:06:31,784
(QUIET GUITAR STRUMMING)

1363
01:06:31,786 --> 01:06:33,887
JACOB: <i>Are you bringing
anyone to graduation?</i>

1364
01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:35,621
Yeah, my parents.

1365
01:06:35,623 --> 01:06:36,789
You?

1366
01:06:36,791 --> 01:06:40,427
Uh, yeah, same, unfortunately.

1367
01:06:40,429 --> 01:06:41,827
They hate each other,

1368
01:06:41,829 --> 01:06:42,829
but they love me,

1369
01:06:42,831 --> 01:06:44,164
so they just come
to all my stuff

1370
01:06:44,166 --> 01:06:46,166
and fight the whole time.

1371
01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:47,900
It's gonna be great.

1372
01:06:47,902 --> 01:06:49,068
That sucks.

1373
01:06:49,070 --> 01:06:50,769
JACOB:
<i>Yeah.</i>

1374
01:06:50,771 --> 01:06:52,604
When did they get divorced?

1375
01:06:52,606 --> 01:06:54,740
Um, a while ago.

1376
01:06:54,742 --> 01:06:56,011
Like, when I was ten.

1377
01:06:58,646 --> 01:07:00,646
Mine also got divorced.

1378
01:07:00,648 --> 01:07:01,648
JACOB:
<i>Oh, when?</i>

1379
01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:02,648
(SIGHING)

1380
01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,684
Right after I left for school,

1381
01:07:04,686 --> 01:07:05,818
they were, like,

1382
01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:09,088
"Okay, she's gone,
we did it, the end."

1383
01:07:09,090 --> 01:07:10,326
I'm sorry.

1384
01:07:10,992 --> 01:07:12,260
BLAKE:
<i>No, it's okay.</i>

1385
01:07:12,827 --> 01:07:14,630
Do you have any siblings?

1386
01:07:20,835 --> 01:07:22,001
What?

1387
01:07:22,003 --> 01:07:23,670
That's my question.

1388
01:07:23,672 --> 01:07:24,704
Whadda ya mean?

1389
01:07:24,706 --> 01:07:25,804
What does that mean?

1390
01:07:25,806 --> 01:07:27,706
I ask that on dates.

1391
01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:28,708
JACOB:
<i>Like,</i>

1392
01:07:28,710 --> 01:07:30,110
"Do you have any siblings?"

1393
01:07:30,112 --> 01:07:31,847
is the question you
ask on all the dates?

1394
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,046
<i>Every time?</i>

1395
01:07:34,048 --> 01:07:35,115
100% of the time?

1396
01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:36,115
BLAKE:
<i>Mm hmm.</i>

1397
01:07:36,117 --> 01:07:37,117
That's so weird.

1398
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,617
But you asked me it.

1399
01:07:38,619 --> 01:07:39,853
JACOB: <i>No, that's the first
time I've ever asked it.</i>

1400
01:07:39,855 --> 01:07:41,123
I mean, I don't plan it.

1401
01:07:45,460 --> 01:07:47,228
Why, why do you
ask that question?

1402
01:07:49,965 --> 01:07:51,733
Because it's the start.

1403
01:07:54,702 --> 01:07:56,739
Do you have any siblings?

1404
01:07:57,706 --> 01:07:59,671
I don't have any siblings.

1405
01:07:59,673 --> 01:08:01,307
- Do you?
- Yeah.

1406
01:08:01,309 --> 01:08:02,812
Got a half sister.

1407
01:08:03,478 --> 01:08:04,577
Which half?

1408
01:08:04,579 --> 01:08:05,878
JACOB:
<i>Oh, my dad's.</i>

1409
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:07,246
She's the worst
person I've ever met.

1410
01:08:07,248 --> 01:08:08,715
She's the worst person

1411
01:08:08,717 --> 01:08:10,249
I've ever met in
my entire life.

1412
01:08:10,251 --> 01:08:11,251
BLAKE:
<i>Your dad got remarried?</i>

1413
01:08:11,253 --> 01:08:12,251
Yes.

1414
01:08:12,253 --> 01:08:13,519
And how old is she?

1415
01:08:13,521 --> 01:08:15,188
JACOB:
<i>She's-she's three.</i>

1416
01:08:15,190 --> 01:08:17,156
But she acts like she's two.

1417
01:08:17,158 --> 01:08:18,324
<i>We have nothing in common.</i>

1418
01:08:18,326 --> 01:08:20,160
<i>She's the worst little cute</i>

1419
01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:21,160
- WAITRESS: <i>Here ya go.</i>
- baby.

1420
01:08:21,162 --> 01:08:22,397
JACOB:
<i>Thank you so much.</i>

1421
01:08:23,164 --> 01:08:24,363
Thank you.

1422
01:08:24,365 --> 01:08:25,365
I got this.

1423
01:08:25,367 --> 01:08:26,601
Oh.

1424
01:08:30,372 --> 01:08:31,403
I owe you.

1425
01:08:31,405 --> 01:08:33,208
You don't owe me anything.

1426
01:08:50,024 --> 01:08:51,559
Don't leave me again.

1427
01:08:53,962 --> 01:08:54,826
The bike, I meant.

1428
01:08:54,828 --> 01:08:56,131
JACOB:
<i>Sure you did.</i>

1429
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:06,674
Okay.

1430
01:09:08,944 --> 01:09:10,179
Goodnight.

1431
01:09:10,811 --> 01:09:12,277
No.

1432
01:09:12,279 --> 01:09:13,812
Bad night.

1433
01:09:13,814 --> 01:09:15,083
Good morning.

1434
01:09:17,786 --> 01:09:18,854
Good morning.

1435
01:09:20,988 --> 01:09:22,257
(DEEP INHALE)

1436
01:09:32,367 --> 01:09:33,636
(RATTLING)

1437
01:09:35,636 --> 01:09:39,641
(KNOCKING)

1438
01:09:44,011 --> 01:09:45,014
Nikki.

1439
01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:49,885
(KNOCKING)

1440
01:09:50,885 --> 01:09:51,887
Nikki!

1441
01:09:54,055 --> 01:09:55,324
Oh shit.

1442
01:10:03,398 --> 01:10:11,070
(MUFFLED FOOTSTEPS)

1443
01:10:11,072 --> 01:10:12,074
(THUD)

1444
01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,312
IAN:
<i>What the fuck?</i>

1445
01:10:20,314 --> 01:10:21,549
Shit.

1446
01:10:23,018 --> 01:10:25,020
So I read your
little love column.

1447
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:28,323
Used me for material?

1448
01:10:33,662 --> 01:10:35,431
You used me for sex.

1449
01:10:39,067 --> 01:10:40,336
That was the deal.

1450
01:10:43,104 --> 01:10:44,373
I changed your name.

1451
01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,340
(DOOR CREAKING)

1452
01:10:48,342 --> 01:10:49,675
What's going on?

1453
01:10:49,677 --> 01:10:51,076
You were in there
the entire time?

1454
01:10:51,078 --> 01:10:52,577
Sorry.

1455
01:10:52,579 --> 01:10:54,046
IAN: <i>If you don't erase
every trace of this thing</i>

1456
01:10:54,048 --> 01:10:57,019
<i>I'm going to ruin your name
before you even have one.</i>

1457
01:10:58,586 --> 01:11:03,589
(OMINOUS MUSIC)

1458
01:11:03,591 --> 01:11:09,128
♪

1459
01:11:09,130 --> 01:11:10,396
(DOOR SHUTS)

1460
01:11:10,398 --> 01:11:14,403
(TAPPING)

1461
01:11:19,106 --> 01:11:24,110
(SLOW ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

1462
01:11:24,112 --> 01:11:27,949
♪

1463
01:11:36,957 --> 01:11:38,491
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>I'm not gonna lie,</i>

1464
01:11:38,493 --> 01:11:41,096
<i>I thought about throwing
the bracelet in the water.</i>

1465
01:11:44,131 --> 01:11:45,764
<i>Then I sold it,</i>

1466
01:11:45,766 --> 01:11:47,769
<i>because I'm not an idiot.</i>

1467
01:11:50,171 --> 01:11:51,737
(MUFFLED CHEERS)

1468
01:11:51,739 --> 01:11:54,005
NIKKI: <i>God, I should
have been a cheerleader.</i>

1469
01:11:54,007 --> 01:11:56,342
Those girls are in
such good shape.

1470
01:11:56,344 --> 01:11:59,579
Yeah but, what're they
gonna do with their lives?

1471
01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:00,580
I don't know.

1472
01:12:00,582 --> 01:12:01,580
BLAKE:
<i>What becomes of them?</i>

1473
01:12:01,582 --> 01:12:03,583
Yeah but, they
can do the splits.

1474
01:12:03,585 --> 01:12:05,119
They'll figure it out.

1475
01:12:08,355 --> 01:12:11,156
<i>I still don't think you
should delete your column.</i>

1476
01:12:11,158 --> 01:12:13,025
<i>You need to own your scandal.</i>

1477
01:12:13,027 --> 01:12:15,460
<i>Like, uh,</i>

1478
01:12:15,462 --> 01:12:16,764
Marie Antoinette.

1479
01:12:17,599 --> 01:12:19,331
She was a teen idol.

1480
01:12:19,333 --> 01:12:21,336
And she had sex
with everyone.

1481
01:12:22,170 --> 01:12:23,669
When she went to Paris,

1482
01:12:23,671 --> 01:12:25,170
people got trampled to death

1483
01:12:25,172 --> 01:12:26,272
just trying to catch
a glimpse of her.

1484
01:12:26,274 --> 01:12:28,174
That's really sad.

1485
01:12:28,176 --> 01:12:30,442
And didn't they behead
her for being slutty?

1486
01:12:30,444 --> 01:12:32,044
NIKKI: <i>'Kay, well, we are
still talking about her.</i>

1487
01:12:32,046 --> 01:12:34,048
BLAKE: <i>That's not
always a good thing.</i>

1488
01:12:36,184 --> 01:12:38,220
He revoked his
letter for the award.

1489
01:12:40,054 --> 01:12:41,387
<i>They disqualified me.</i>

1490
01:12:41,389 --> 01:12:42,388
Shit.

1491
01:12:42,390 --> 01:12:43,856
BLAKE:
<i>I know.</i>

1492
01:12:43,858 --> 01:12:45,394
That sucks, sorry.

1493
01:12:52,332 --> 01:12:53,601
Jennifer Lawrence!

1494
01:12:55,203 --> 01:12:56,602
What about her?

1495
01:12:56,604 --> 01:12:58,271
When the-when those naked
pictures came out, of her?

1496
01:12:58,273 --> 01:13:00,106
She owned the shit out of it.

1497
01:13:00,108 --> 01:13:02,875
Declared it was a sex crime
on the cover of Vanity Fair.

1498
01:13:02,877 --> 01:13:05,076
<i>And, those pictures made
her more interesting,</i>

1499
01:13:05,078 --> 01:13:06,081
in my opinion.

1500
01:13:08,850 --> 01:13:09,915
I'd forgot about that.

1501
01:13:09,917 --> 01:13:11,250
NIKKI:
<i>I know.</i>

1502
01:13:11,252 --> 01:13:13,055
<i>She looked great.</i>

1503
01:13:14,087 --> 01:13:16,088
BLAKE:
<i>Jennifer Lawrence.</i>

1504
01:13:16,090 --> 01:13:17,089
J.Law.

1505
01:13:17,091 --> 01:13:18,190
Did ya see them?

1506
01:13:18,192 --> 01:13:20,128
NIKKI: <i>No, I mean,
she would have, if,</i>

1507
01:13:20,962 --> 01:13:22,260
<i>if I saw them.</i>

1508
01:13:22,262 --> 01:13:24,362
<i>I think she would
have looked good.</i>

1509
01:13:24,364 --> 01:13:25,430
<i>But I didn't.</i>

1510
01:13:25,432 --> 01:13:26,699
<i>Did you see them?</i>

1511
01:13:26,701 --> 01:13:28,470
Yeah, I saw them.

1512
01:13:30,305 --> 01:13:35,308
(SLOW ALTERNATIVE MUSIC)

1513
01:13:35,310 --> 01:13:38,376
♪

1514
01:13:38,378 --> 01:13:39,711
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>If this were the nineties,</i>

1515
01:13:39,713 --> 01:13:42,147
<i>and I was in a
Nora Ephron romcom,</i>

1516
01:13:42,149 --> 01:13:43,549
<i>this would be the moment</i>

1517
01:13:43,551 --> 01:13:45,317
<i>where it would seem
all hope is lost.</i>

1518
01:13:45,319 --> 01:13:50,555
(ENGINE HUMMING)

1519
01:13:50,557 --> 01:13:52,124
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>But then,</i>

1520
01:13:52,126 --> 01:13:53,960
<i>out of the fog,
he'd appear.</i>

1521
01:13:53,962 --> 01:13:55,760
(SIREN)

1522
01:13:55,762 --> 01:13:57,396
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>Maybe
at the top of a building,</i>

1523
01:13:57,398 --> 01:14:00,333
<i>or maybe in a cop car.</i>

1524
01:14:00,335 --> 01:14:01,601
<i>He wouldn't pull me over</i>

1525
01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:03,268
<i>because I was speeding
in a school zone,</i>

1526
01:14:03,270 --> 01:14:05,403
<i>and he sure as fuck wouldn't
give me a goddam ticket</i>

1527
01:14:05,405 --> 01:14:07,807
<i>for driving without
a motorcycle licence.</i>

1528
01:14:07,809 --> 01:14:09,342
(RADIO CHATTER)

1529
01:14:09,344 --> 01:14:10,913
It's my birthday today.

1530
01:14:11,912 --> 01:14:12,911
COP:
<i>No it's not.</i>

1531
01:14:12,913 --> 01:14:13,912
It's my graduation,

1532
01:14:13,914 --> 01:14:15,748
and I really need to be there.

1533
01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:17,252
BLAKE VOICEOVER:
<i>We'd lock eyes.</i>

1534
01:14:18,353 --> 01:14:20,285
<i>We'd have coffees
in sweater weather.</i>

1535
01:14:20,287 --> 01:14:22,354
<i>We'd drink wine in the park</i>

1536
01:14:22,356 --> 01:14:23,826
<i>like we were in
some French film.</i>

1537
01:14:25,326 --> 01:14:27,994
<i>And we'd run through field
after field holding hands,</i>

1538
01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:30,161
<i>while some upbeat
love song played.</i>

1539
01:14:30,163 --> 01:14:34,165
("SUNSET LOVER"
BY PETIT BISCUIT)

1540
01:14:34,167 --> 01:14:41,339
♪

1541
01:14:41,341 --> 01:14:44,112
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>But this isn't
a romcom from the nineties.</i>

1542
01:14:45,179 --> 01:14:47,216
<i>This is just my story,</i>

1543
01:14:47,981 --> 01:14:49,984
<i>and I don't want to
be ashamed of it.</i>

1544
01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:53,218
<i>The story was never
about the professor.</i>

1545
01:14:53,220 --> 01:14:54,352
<i>Or an award.</i>

1546
01:14:54,354 --> 01:14:56,289
<i>Or even my column,</i>

1547
01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:57,357
<i>which I didn't delete.</i>

1548
01:14:57,359 --> 01:14:59,291
<i>Otherwise you wouldn't
be reading this.</i>

1549
01:14:59,293 --> 01:15:01,059
<i>I just changed my name,</i>

1550
01:15:01,061 --> 01:15:03,064
<i>to my real one this time.</i>

1551
01:15:04,465 --> 01:15:05,734
(BEEP)

1552
01:15:23,216 --> 01:15:24,485
BLAKE:
<i>Thanks for the ride.</i>

1553
01:15:42,604 --> 01:15:44,870
"Meet me on top
of the bleachers."

1554
01:15:44,872 --> 01:15:46,173
JACOB:
<i>Hey Blake!</i>

1555
01:15:48,408 --> 01:15:49,375
What?

1556
01:15:49,377 --> 01:15:51,777
JACOB:
<i>Come up here.</i>

1557
01:15:51,779 --> 01:15:53,245
Why?

1558
01:15:53,247 --> 01:15:55,246
You gotta to see the view.

1559
01:15:55,248 --> 01:15:57,616
<i>The view is unbelievable.</i>

1560
01:15:57,618 --> 01:15:59,418
BLAKE:
<i>What are you talking about?</i>

1561
01:15:59,420 --> 01:16:00,686
JACOB:
<i>I'm doin' a thing,</i>

1562
01:16:00,688 --> 01:16:02,254
<i>I'm doin' this thing, just,</i>

1563
01:16:02,256 --> 01:16:03,455
<i>can you come up here?</i>

1564
01:16:03,457 --> 01:16:05,124
<i>Trust me?</i>

1565
01:16:05,126 --> 01:16:06,427
<i>Work with me?</i>

1566
01:16:10,097 --> 01:16:11,365
(NERVOUS HOWLING)

1567
01:16:13,033 --> 01:16:14,802
(DEEP EXHALE)

1568
01:16:15,069 --> 01:16:16,302
Okay.

1569
01:16:16,304 --> 01:16:17,602
BLAKE:
<i>Hi.</i>

1570
01:16:17,604 --> 01:16:20,438
JACOB: <i>It's romantic
up here, isn't it?</i>

1571
01:16:20,440 --> 01:16:21,473
BLAKE:
<i>Uh...</i>

1572
01:16:21,475 --> 01:16:22,708
At the top of the, uh,

1573
01:16:22,710 --> 01:16:24,610
Empire State Building.

1574
01:16:24,612 --> 01:16:26,277
What are we doing?

1575
01:16:26,279 --> 01:16:28,313
JACOB:
<i>We're Sleepless in Seattleing.</i>

1576
01:16:28,315 --> 01:16:29,749
I'm Tom Hanks,

1577
01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:31,483
you're Meg Ryan.

1578
01:16:31,485 --> 01:16:32,485
Unless you wanna
switch roles,

1579
01:16:32,487 --> 01:16:33,486
ya wanna switch roles?

1580
01:16:33,488 --> 01:16:34,486
I'll be Meg, you be Tom.

1581
01:16:34,488 --> 01:16:35,286
No, I'll be Meg.

1582
01:16:35,288 --> 01:16:36,557
JACOB:
<i>'Kay, I'll be Tom.</i>

1583
01:16:37,158 --> 01:16:38,226
I got you somethin',

1584
01:16:40,494 --> 01:16:41,496
<i>like the movie.</i>

1585
01:16:44,532 --> 01:16:46,531
It's actually a teddy bear.

1586
01:16:46,533 --> 01:16:47,532
JACOB:
<i>What, the rose?</i>

1587
01:16:47,534 --> 01:16:49,501
And she gives it to a kid.

1588
01:16:49,503 --> 01:16:50,503
(SHOCKED GUFFAWING)

1589
01:16:50,505 --> 01:16:52,037
There's a kid in the movie?

1590
01:16:52,039 --> 01:16:53,304
BLAKE: <i>Yeah, Tom Hanks has a son.
Did you watch it?</i>

1591
01:16:53,306 --> 01:16:54,874
I did, why? I don't
remember there being a kid.

1592
01:16:54,876 --> 01:16:55,875
<i>I gotta rewatch it.</i>

1593
01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:57,143
BLAKE:
<i>Definitely a kid.</i>

1594
01:16:57,145 --> 01:16:58,376
NIKKI:
<i>What are you guys doing?</i>

1595
01:16:58,378 --> 01:17:00,379
JACOB:
<i>Um...</i>

1596
01:17:00,381 --> 01:17:01,813
we're Sleepless in Seattleing.

1597
01:17:01,815 --> 01:17:03,982
He's butchering it.

1598
01:17:03,984 --> 01:17:04,983
NIKKI:
<i>Nerds.</i>

1599
01:17:04,985 --> 01:17:06,451
JACOB:
<i>I'm doing awesome.</i>

1600
01:17:06,453 --> 01:17:07,452
BLAKE:
<i>You are actually.</i>

1601
01:17:07,454 --> 01:17:08,454
I am?

1602
01:17:08,456 --> 01:17:09,688
BLAKE:
<i>This is good.</i>

1603
01:17:09,690 --> 01:17:10,990
Do they still fall in love

1604
01:17:10,992 --> 01:17:12,357
at the top of the
Empire State Building?

1605
01:17:12,359 --> 01:17:14,160
No, that's-that's
where they met.

1606
01:17:14,162 --> 01:17:15,960
But they were already
in love they are...

1607
01:17:15,962 --> 01:17:20,965
(SOFT ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL)

1608
01:17:20,967 --> 01:17:26,138
♪

1609
01:17:26,140 --> 01:17:27,643
JACOB:
<i>You look really pretty.</i>

1610
01:17:32,246 --> 01:17:33,379
Are you holding my helmet on?

1611
01:17:33,381 --> 01:17:35,417
- Yeah, I got it.
- Oh, thank you.

1612
01:17:36,551 --> 01:17:37,549
NIKKI:
<i>C'monah.</i>

1613
01:17:37,551 --> 01:17:38,918
What?

1614
01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:39,919
Let's go.

1615
01:17:39,921 --> 01:17:40,919
Okay.

1616
01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:41,920
BLAKE:
<i>Oh, we have to graduate.</i>

1617
01:17:41,922 --> 01:17:43,155
- Hyah.
- Hyah.

1618
01:17:43,157 --> 01:17:44,824
I came here in a cop car.

1619
01:17:44,826 --> 01:17:45,825
Why?

1620
01:17:45,827 --> 01:17:47,393
'Cause I'm cool now.

1621
01:17:47,395 --> 01:17:48,393
That is really cool.

1622
01:17:48,395 --> 01:17:49,394
I'm criminal.

1623
01:17:49,396 --> 01:17:50,396
JACOB:
<i>That's sick.</i>

1624
01:17:50,398 --> 01:17:51,667
<i>I know a criminal.</i>

1625
01:17:52,233 --> 01:17:53,398
BLAKE:
<i>It's a long story,</i>

1626
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:54,567
<i>but it's actually not.</i>

1627
01:17:54,569 --> 01:17:56,201
- <i>It's really not a long story.</i>
- What?

1628
01:17:56,203 --> 01:17:58,403
BLAKE: <i>So, apparently, I need
a licence to drive my moped.</i>

1629
01:17:58,405 --> 01:17:59,772
JACOB: <i>Uh huh,
I didn't even know that.</i>

1630
01:17:59,774 --> 01:18:01,107
BLAKE:
<i>No, neither did I.</i>

1631
01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,441
JACOB: <i>I thought you could
just drive 'em around.</i>

1632
01:18:02,443 --> 01:18:03,541
BLAKE:
<i>No.</i>

1633
01:18:03,543 --> 01:18:05,376
JACOB:
<i>What?</i>

1634
01:18:05,378 --> 01:18:07,446
BLAKE: <i>So, that's something that
I'm going to have to deal with.</i>

1635
01:18:07,448 --> 01:18:10,549
BLAKE VOICEOVER: <i>Each one of us has a
story of how we got to where we are,</i>

1636
01:18:10,551 --> 01:18:13,085
<i>which most likely
involves study drugs,</i>

1637
01:18:13,087 --> 01:18:14,553
<i>getting blackout drunk,</i>

1638
01:18:14,555 --> 01:18:16,054
<i>and having one night stands.</i>

1639
01:18:16,056 --> 01:18:18,590
<i>We'll tell these stories
at dinner parties</i>

1640
01:18:18,592 --> 01:18:20,459
<i>and to our future children.</i>

1641
01:18:20,461 --> 01:18:24,095
<i>Well, maybe not the
one night stand part.</i>

1642
01:18:24,097 --> 01:18:25,630
<i>Or the blackout drunk part.</i>

1643
01:18:25,632 --> 01:18:27,635
<i>Or the study drugs,
for that matter.</i>

1644
01:18:28,802 --> 01:18:30,468
<i>But maybe our stories
don't have to be</i>

1645
01:18:30,470 --> 01:18:32,440
<i>for anyone but ourselves.</i>

1646
01:18:33,541 --> 01:18:34,874
<i>Your hopeless romantic,</i>

1647
01:18:34,876 --> 01:18:36,976
<i>Blake Conway.</i>

1648
01:18:36,978 --> 01:18:39,980
(DISTANT BANTERING)

1649
01:18:42,409 --> 01:18:47,409
Subtitles by explosiveskull

1649
01:18:48,305 --> 01:18:54,703
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